I haven't missed you much, not really
For the longest time, after you left
All I felt was relief
I'd tried to break up several times before
But you never really left
And when we saw each other again, we knew
The chords hadn't been severed just yet
I knew 'we' had a shelf life, and yet
Or maybe, that's why, I decided to indulge
And let myself be consumed, one last time
Because I knew there's not much left
Of that innocence that each of us is born with
Some use it all up
In their first ever 'relationship'
Some, like me, are able to salvage
Bits and pieces that fall through the cracks
Of relationships that seem to mine chunks
Of that precious resource away
I'm sure there are others
Who are able to shield it within their core
While they lose other aspects of their beings
To 'relationships'
I'm left with this feeling of 'being done'
Like, I have very little left to give
Like, I have very little left to give
Before I run out of breath
And the longer it takes
For someone special to come along
And be open to giving and receiving
In a language we both understand
The more I find myself eroding away
From that lack of connection
Then, once in a while
I have flashes of you
As I go about my day
Your deep, steady, caring voice going
"Never run the microwave on full power
...for more than a few seconds"
Or some such
And it makes me sit down and surrender
To the deluge of memories
Of you staring at me
Trying to make sense of the puzzle that I am
Of the concern in your voice
As you dispense advice on certain things
Of the tenderness in your touch towards everything
The car, your child, the ash tray, me
The very touch, also firm - so full of care
Held a sense of ownership that's so very rare
Everything about you, with you
Was fragile, though, and felt tentative
Like it could shatter, or be gone, at any moment
Was I not careful enough, or gentle enough
Everything, except that tenderness
It was like a force of nature
The gravity that held 'us' together
As the galaxies of our lives
Move further and further apart
The force grows weaker
But I know now what it takes to hold
The fabric of my universe together
