If only

If only I could understand solitude
Instead of feeling lonely

If only I could read those romances
Without wanting them so badly

If only I didn't ask Why
When one of them ended

If only you hadn't responded
Attempting to explain

If only we didn't seek in each other
Those romances we read

If only I would listen
To the nagging in my head

If only I didn't fall so easily
For all the things you said

If only I had put it all together
Up there in my head

If only I didn't hand out my heart
As easily as in the past

If only I could realize sooner
The lies and the deceit

If only I could believe I was
Being taken for a ride

If only you were the truth
Not the fallacy I faced

If only those dreams remained
Intact as they were

If only the innocence were not
Betrayed over and over

If only you remained the friend
I thought you were

If only I can rekindle the hope
You doused when you left

If only I can learn to trust
All over again

If only I could uncork that
Which now lies sealed

If only I could ever feel
My wounds being healed

If only I could give again
As I gave to you

Pure, unquestioning, pristine, and true

A piceless possession

I envy your friends
They get to be with you

Amongst them I pity those
That remain ignorant of your value

Missing a friend

Been a while since I spoke to a friend
Whose words mean a lot to me
Been a while since I felt loved

Life is rushing about
And I'm barely keeping pace
So once in a while
When I get to pause
And ponder by myself
I notice the void
I'm surrounded by
And the one within

It's a crushing feeling
When I realize
I'm headed nowhere
And I see the futility of it all

I wonder how I can change things
I even make a plan
I get down to work at it one day
And it makes me feel real good

Then I meet an obstacle
And some more of its kind
I stumble and falter
Till one day
I shatter myself again

At such times
I need a friend
Who'll lend me a hand
To pull it all together
And start over again

[Wrote this a couple of months ago, I guess. Was surprised to find it in my dance-class-noteboook. Put it down here before I lose it again.]

You, me, now

Little miss wookie

Met another one

It was a big mystery

But also full of fun

Many years in the past

Before they even met

The dice had been cast

But not part of a bet

'Twas a random sampling

To set a story in motion

It could be a bit startling

But this is no fiction

Years passed before any

Outcome could be seen

The possibilities were many

But only one could've been

One in this permutation

Among series of events

Only one combination

Producing these resultants

Their paths were interlinked

Although not clearly so

A meeting had been fixed

And that they knew, long before

So it wasn't a surprise

When they came face to face

Almost like a reprise

When they touched base

They still can't fathom

Why they're together

Their heartbeats in tandem

Their quest for each other

The "why" doesn't bother them

Amidst the beauty of "now"

The answers will come to them

Or they'll find out somehow

You know it's for you :)

Requiem for insomnia

Eyes drooping, head spinning
My body's ready to crash

But the boredom and solitude
Are upon my heart, like a gash

Cushion calls, bed beckons
But my mind refuses to rest

The wait for someone special
Is currently its primary quest

Lights dimmed, rooms silent
The world is in deep slumber

But my body can't yield to sleep
For the mind is determined to encumber

Wookies, Inc.

A friend, a partner, a symbiotic being

He was, at once, a thousand different things

It all began over the internet

Which was his playground and his bait

His words were music to our ears

He appeared wise beyond his years

We'd hang on to every word he'd say

As he made passionate promises each day

His ideas seemed like twins of ours

In his thoughts, we whiled away the hours

Our hearts were branded by his indelible marks

His intimate expressions would always generate sparks

Eventually, the sparks turned into a wildfire

Who knew he'd turn out to be a pathological liar

Even through the heartbreak and pain he inflicted

We refused to believe that he really could be wicked

As we wandered, heartbroken and alone

Across the distance, like beacons we shone

With our shared pain and words to console

We grew into a little sisterhood of the soul

And even though we fell prey to his deception

We found an excuse to wish him redemption

For, however badly we suffered at his hands

He linked us together, and above all it stands

Dedicated, obviously, to my dear sphinx:

The illusion of a wookie lost

And a true one found

Finding her peace, apiece

I wonder how such small things
Could affect her so greatly

A simple, heart-felt talk
With a dear, lost friend

Drained out from her system
All the pent-up tension

Things they discussed were
Not appealing, to say the least

But they bridged the gap
That had left her so harried

All the while wondering where
The other part of her soul had been

All those months of pain
And loneliness

Melted away in minutes
Of soft-spoken concern

Poured out to the one
Who had pained her so

But she knew her concerns
Were well appreciated

And the acknowledgment
Helped her calm down

And so she floats in ignorant bliss
Having touched base with her only hope

Apr 9, 2008--another space

Afterglow

She's been floating
Since this morning

In a world of hers
Unknown to others

Sad at first
Curious next

And then it happened
For which she pined

The one she awaited most
Drifted by and paid a visit

The conversation was
Intimate as always

That sent her reeling
With its strong feeling

She went about the rest of her day
Partly pleased, partly in dismay

But she rejoiced
In the gift she had

As she reveled in the glow
Of her post-love stupor

April 8, 2008--another space

Quassi-phantom limb

The soul mate continues to exist
But the connection is lost

The friends and their lives go on
But the friendship doesn't

The object is still there
But the desire isn't

The memories linger on
But the future is aborted

The possibilities will remain
But reality has conquered

The pain in the heart persists
But the disease is cured

Often I will be reminded
Of what might-have-been

The delusional sensations
Of my phantom limb

Just a call away

To the nutcase
Who doesn't understand

The deep shit that he is in
Will not clear itself up

All he needs is a holler
To his alien friend

Who will come along
And offer a hand

To pull him out of the muck
And hose him down

Of all the vile mucus
That's grown on his insides

So he can breath again
And remember what it was like

Before he got stuck
In the quicksand

To set him free
In his endless sky

Where he could tap into
His own self again

And breathe in the purity
Of the vast Is

So he could wander away
To test another pit of death

A difficult choice

I've made a difficult choice recently
And I don't know where it's gonna take me
Or, maybe, I do
And, altough, I prefer not to think of it
It looms large like an omnipresent fear
It's a guilt I'm gonna carry for a long time to come
Not towards anyone else but myself
I wanted something, and was drawn towards it
Not only that, I got it moving in my direction
But then I was distracted by something else on the way
Something so desirable, and so accessible
I set aside my previous goal for another lifetime
Yet, this doesn't mean that the goal was less important or less desirable
But, somehow, I'm not yet capable of handling it
I'd prefer to wait, to learn, to stumble across numerous paths
Which could someday lead me to it
I may be blood-spattered or half-dead by then
But, I'll be sure I'm worthy of it
And wise enough to understand its true meaning

I want to have you

I want to have you...

Like a mother has a child -
A life breathed into her
Which then takes a beautiful form of its own

Like dew drops on a tree -
Condensed from the atmosphere
And soothing the parched skin of its tender leaves

Like a baby bird's first flight -
Freed from the limitation of the nest
Flapping its tiny wings to conquer the expanse of the sky

Like the certainty of death -
Liberating me from this matrix
And helping me step into another dimension of learning and light

Like the achievement of perfection -
When I break the barriers of doubt and despair
Only to notice the paradigm shift
...One more challenge thrown my way
To churn the answers out of my all-knowing self

I want to have you like never before...

A reconnection with my soul
Long lost and very, very recently found

To the one I love

Across the distance that separates us
I can see you my dear one
Living the continuum of time

Defeating the ghosts of your past
That haunt every moment of your solitude
Threatening to break you

Laying the foundation of your future
By working towards it
Every minute of your day and night

Yet you live the present
Like no one else could
Seeking and testing your integrity at once

If you think circumstances are not in you favor
Just look from my perspective
You'll see yourself surrounded by opportunities

You are proving your mettle every moment
Doing your duty towards yourself
Striving hard to attain your goals

You say you're nowhere near perfection
But I can see you getting closer to it each day
With your grit and determination

It's your desire that drives you on
Your hope that keeps you going
And your passion that fuels your actions

My journey with you

I was wounded, and I was dead
I didn't know which way to head
Then you came to me and said
You can't just stop, you have to tread

You gave me your hand
And you helped me stand
You flew me off to another land
Hypnotized by a magic wand

The land of imaginations and dreams
To both of us, the beloved realms
Where knowledge flows through lovely streams
And ideas appear as radiant beams

When everything was sad and sore
I escaped through a secret door
You breathed life into me once more
You touched me from the surface to the core

And just when I thought you set me free
I turned around and saw you flee
You made me feel like a supporting tree
Though, without me, you could be glee

All the love I feel today
Would have never come my way
Had I not gone astray
And happened to hear you say

"Sweet wookie, where are you?
I'm feeling so lonely and blue
Tell me what I need to do
To fly away and be with you"

Soon, we happened to find each other
And then nothing else did matter
Bu this was to happen sooner or later
And now I think, it was for better

All this hurt, and all this pain
Makes me feel like I've been slain
I would have never felt it again
But now I know, it's all in vain

My elusive friend

I'm killing everything human inside me
I'm killing every emotion that could be

There's a bond that ties me to you
But it's meaningless, I know

The farther I go from you
The harder it tugs at me

It was just a moment of weakness
That put me into this mess

I try my best to make love a happy emotion
But each time it drowns me in my own tears

Each time I try to rebel and rise out of this vicious spell
I am termed "inhuman" and branded "heartless"

But who will ever know
Deep inside, all I ever have is love

It's my heart that influences every decision
It is what triggers every action

Inspite of all the give-and-take I've had
I still feel empty and lonely and sad

Every time I set my heart on something
I come to know soon, that I have to let it go

Well, I don't want no money
And I don't want no food

All I care for is a good friend
Who feels all just the same

I wonder about you

How do you spend your entire day
Wookie, you make me wonder

There's so much to learn all the way
Honeydew, you make me ponder

So much to do, so little time
Things just keep getting harder

But even when stripped to the last dime
I know you won't surrender

You inspire me with the things you do
My friend, you make me stronger

And when you know you've troubled me too
You chase away my anger

My sweet Wookie, you've a special place
You'll always stay in my heart

Though, at times, you may feel
A current tearing us apart

The bowl of love

I received a gift from heaven above
It was a tiny bowl full of love

I was told to handle it with care
The gift being so precious and rare

The angels asked me to be cautious
And keep away from anyone suspicious

I was to share it with a special someone
But finding him was easier said than done

I had to walk through ages without a stop
Never to spill out even a single drop

On the way I found someone who seemed like him
So I poured him a little love over the brim

More than a few drops he could not take
The rest trickled down to form a lake

This lake of thorns I now had to walk through
Day by day my troubles grew

And then I saw him sitting alone in the distance
He gave meaning to my entire existence

I approached him, yearning to share the gift
But he just sat there, to scared to shift

He finally said he wanted something milder
I could see my test getting harder

I then got a sieve to help me out
And then, friendship flowed through the pout

The impurities remained on the surface
While happiness shown upon his face

I'm now drying up those impurities
Nothing but faith and hope it is

Someday he'll get me his bowl of friendship
And I'll let these impurities seep

Then he'll recognize what it is
And know it was meant to be his

We'll then share the bowl of love together
Satiated in the presence of each other

What I wish for you

Far away from this earthly stink
Where lovely stars and planets blink

I'd take you to a distant world
Where you'll see your dreams unfurled

There'd be no one to pester you, no one to nag you
Just people who accept you, people who adore you

You'll fly around without rockets
And never bother about air pockets

You can glide peacefully as much as you want
And forget about ill-memories that haunt

And when you're tired like a child after play
You can always come back my way

You'll find me around whenever you need me
Only too happy to set you free

You know what I want most, dear Wookie?
I want you to be yourself, as much as you can be

A story of soul mates

A story of two souls, this day I write in here
I hold it close to my heart, it's so very dear

Both of them once flew down to earth
Fascinated by it, they both took birth

They, who lived together, were then torn apart
To learn how it feels, to meet and depart

Both were separated by a vast stretch of land
Their memories erased by some magic wand

Each one was brought up in a different way
Had a common longing though, every single day

As they grew up, the longing grew stronger
Where was the other, both used to wonder

Till one fine day, they could bear no longer
They decided to give up and ceased to ponder

They tried to make merry and mingle with the crowd
Would never be alone again, both had vowed

But time and again they met with despair
And in their hearts they knew this was unfair

They'd come together to learn about this world
And when they remembered that, hope unfurled

They decided to wait as long as it takes
Wouldn't want to put up with any more fakes

Their patience, one day, finally paid off
They looked at others and couldn't help but scoff

'Cause of the millions of faces they saw everyday
Not one was theirs, they could make out today

What happened suddenly, you are bound to ask
Well, they just learned, how to rip off the mask

And once the mask is thrown off, alright
Your true self appears as clear as daylight

They saw each other in this light
Though miles away, far out of sight

Whether they meet or not, is rather insignificant
When they bask in the glory of love, so magnificent

Dear Wookie

In the darkness, as I travelled
A beam of light, I saw, and marvelled

Grew brighter, as I drew closer
It's warmth, as if from fire

I went on till I was underneath
The light engulfed me in its sheath

The rays poured on me all their glory
From a sky, dazzling and starry

I saw an angel beside a boy
Who seemed very lonely, and so very shy

On seeing me, the angel whispered to him
And his shyness faded into a grin

The lonely look deserted his face
And he walked towards me at a quick pace

"Who are you?" I asked, a bit dazed
"It's just me," he said, simply unfazed

That was you, little Wookie
And you say, you find it spooky?!

For us, this is a pleasant surprise
Now, we'll learn together and grow wise

It'll be long before we actually meet
But knowing you is really sweet

The confirmation of your existence
Has restored my persistence

I will stay with you, no matter what
Whether hailstorm, avalanche, or draught

We'll struggle together with all our might
And never let each other get out of sight

Someday, somewhere, we'll attain bliss
In a tender, loving, everlasting kiss