Tenderness

I haven't missed you much, not really

For the longest time, after you left

All I felt was relief

I'd tried to break up several times before

But you never really left

And when we saw each other again, we knew

The chords hadn't been severed just yet

I knew 'we' had a shelf life, and yet

Or maybe, that's why, I decided to indulge

And let myself be consumed, one last time

Because I knew there's not much left

Of that innocence that each of us is born with

Some use it all up

In their first ever 'relationship'

Some, like me, are able to salvage

Bits and pieces that fall through the cracks

Of relationships that seem to mine chunks

Of that precious resource away

I'm sure there are others

Who are able to shield it within their core

While they lose other aspects of their beings

To 'relationships'

I'm left with this feeling of 'being done'
Like, I have very little left to give

Before I run out of breath

And the longer it takes

For someone special to come along

And be open to giving and receiving

In a language we both understand

The more I find myself eroding away

From that lack of connection

Then, once in a while

I have flashes of you

As I go about my day

Your deep, steady, caring voice going

"Never run the microwave on full power

...for more than a few seconds"

Or some such

And it makes me sit down and surrender

To the deluge of memories

Of you staring at me

Trying to make sense of the puzzle that I am

Of the concern in your voice

As you dispense advice on certain things

Of the tenderness in your touch towards everything

The car, your child, the ash tray, me

The very touch, also firm - so full of care

Held a sense of ownership that's so very rare

Everything about you, with you

Was fragile, though, and felt tentative

Like it could shatter, or be gone, at any moment

Was I not careful enough, or gentle enough

Everything, except that tenderness

It was like a force of nature

The gravity that held 'us' together

As the galaxies of our lives

Move further and further apart

The force grows weaker

But I know now what it takes to hold

The fabric of my universe together