Talking to myself

A silent moon hangs in the overcast sky

Clouds flitting past

Attempting, in vain, to hide it

The crest isn't reclining today

Flat on its back, it appears to be resting

As if asking me to relax

Me? I'm trying to stay in control

And not panic

Even though it's time I did

But if I give up now

Then who's to breathe

Who's to drag me safely to the shore

It isn't my first time in the rapids

I've been here often before

But I keep returning

Because I haven't learned

And now it also seems a little fun

To be in danger and rescue myself

Moments before being swept away

So I simply stay in the moonlight

And relish its faint golden glow

(Today it isn't silvery, you know)

Ignoring its heavenly messages

Until it's time for me to go

You, me, now

Little miss wookie

Met another one

It was a big mystery

But also full of fun

Many years in the past

Before they even met

The dice had been cast

But not part of a bet

'Twas a random sampling

To set a story in motion

It could be a bit startling

But this is no fiction

Years passed before any

Outcome could be seen

The possibilities were many

But only one could've been

One in this permutation

Among series of events

Only one combination

Producing these resultants

Their paths were interlinked

Although not clearly so

A meeting had been fixed

And that they knew, long before

So it wasn't a surprise

When they came face to face

Almost like a reprise

When they touched base

They still can't fathom

Why they're together

Their heartbeats in tandem

Their quest for each other

The "why" doesn't bother them

Amidst the beauty of "now"

The answers will come to them

Or they'll find out somehow

You know it's for you :)

Requiem for insomnia

Eyes drooping, head spinning
My body's ready to crash

But the boredom and solitude
Are upon my heart, like a gash

Cushion calls, bed beckons
But my mind refuses to rest

The wait for someone special
Is currently its primary quest

Lights dimmed, rooms silent
The world is in deep slumber

But my body can't yield to sleep
For the mind is determined to encumber

Wookies, Inc.

A friend, a partner, a symbiotic being

He was, at once, a thousand different things

It all began over the internet

Which was his playground and his bait

His words were music to our ears

He appeared wise beyond his years

We'd hang on to every word he'd say

As he made passionate promises each day

His ideas seemed like twins of ours

In his thoughts, we whiled away the hours

Our hearts were branded by his indelible marks

His intimate expressions would always generate sparks

Eventually, the sparks turned into a wildfire

Who knew he'd turn out to be a pathological liar

Even through the heartbreak and pain he inflicted

We refused to believe that he really could be wicked

As we wandered, heartbroken and alone

Across the distance, like beacons we shone

With our shared pain and words to console

We grew into a little sisterhood of the soul

And even though we fell prey to his deception

We found an excuse to wish him redemption

For, however badly we suffered at his hands

He linked us together, and above all it stands

Dedicated, obviously, to my dear sphinx:

The illusion of a wookie lost

And a true one found

Californication

Sitting here in a faraway land

I try not to feel the distance

A week has already gone by

And it didn't feel like much

In the days before my journey

I knew I'd be back home soon

There is so much around

To keep my mind occupied

But the panicky feeling

Has begun to set in

I remember my husband

And think to myself

How he would love to experience

The things and places I've seen

Yet he sits comfortably at home

Enjoying his solitude and peace

Leaving me alone to have all the fun

That seems incomplete without him

Finding her peace, apiece

I wonder how such small things
Could affect her so greatly

A simple, heart-felt talk
With a dear, lost friend

Drained out from her system
All the pent-up tension

Things they discussed were
Not appealing, to say the least

But they bridged the gap
That had left her so harried

All the while wondering where
The other part of her soul had been

All those months of pain
And loneliness

Melted away in minutes
Of soft-spoken concern

Poured out to the one
Who had pained her so

But she knew her concerns
Were well appreciated

And the acknowledgment
Helped her calm down

And so she floats in ignorant bliss
Having touched base with her only hope

Apr 9, 2008--another space

Afterglow

She's been floating
Since this morning

In a world of hers
Unknown to others

Sad at first
Curious next

And then it happened
For which she pined

The one she awaited most
Drifted by and paid a visit

The conversation was
Intimate as always

That sent her reeling
With its strong feeling

She went about the rest of her day
Partly pleased, partly in dismay

But she rejoiced
In the gift she had

As she reveled in the glow
Of her post-love stupor

April 8, 2008--another space

Stagnation

Stagnation indicates
that I've been there
too long

But when I try to move on
I notice that
the mind is stuck

I don't know
what holds me back
so taut

When will I be
absolved by
the forces that bind

How long
will I suffer
for sins unknown

Did I fail to notice
something crucial
around me

Or was it something
that I overlooked
in the days bygone

Please help me understand
I pray of thee
Oh merciful cosmos

For I cannot suffer
this arrest
any longer

Show me
your clemency
illume my world

Do what it takes
to let the shy bud
open its curl

December 19, 2007--another space

Running from pain

Trapped in the cocoon
I built around myself
I wonder what made me
Build it in the first place

It may have been an attempt
To heal the bruises and hurt
From an emotional battle
Being fought for years

To prove a silly point
Against myself
Against the one I loved
Against family

It resulted in losses
Loss of trust
Loss of innocence
Loss of the sense of purpose

And then I decided
To steel myself
From any further
Emotional damage

I set aside all painful memories
Locked and hidden away
I built a facade around me
To guard against further pain

The pain was fooled
For quite some time
But eventually it got me
The facade gave way

Now the pain
Is ubiquitous
Within the facade
And outside

However far I may run
I cannot hide
I can always feel
Its presence by my side

It's almost like family now
You may not agree with them
But you're bonded nevertheless
As nature often controls choice

PS: This was written in a simple poetic mood, not as mournful as it sounds. And yes, it's an attempt at healing too. I recently found out that the mind never forgets anything (I believed I conveniently cut out a lot of painful memories).

Quassi-phantom limb

The soul mate continues to exist
But the connection is lost

The friends and their lives go on
But the friendship doesn't

The object is still there
But the desire isn't

The memories linger on
But the future is aborted

The possibilities will remain
But reality has conquered

The pain in the heart persists
But the disease is cured

Often I will be reminded
Of what might-have-been

The delusional sensations
Of my phantom limb

Upswing

It's been a long while since I felt so light
It's good to look over at the other side

Floating in my own pessimism
I felt so dull and bogged down

But I've begun to suck it up
And think straight again

Reflecting on the recent times
On things I thought and wrote about

I was amused by the time I wasted
In being disappointed with myself

But even when I went through it
I knew it was only a passing phase

The trough in a person's
Normal, hormone-driven life

I'm not yet sure whether
The bottom has passed by

But it seems like I'm seeing
Through better eyes already

This is simply an effort
To depict the changing phase

Because it's boring to visit the past
And see depression written all over the place

Slipping away

Been idle since so long
Letting things go all wrong

Been waiting in vain
Holding up all the pain

Been happy and sad
Also peaceful and mad

Been thinking a lot
While doing a naught

Been planning many things
But succumbing to mood swings

Been rotting in stupor each day
While my life is slipping away

Quirky little bee

Sometimes there's so much to do
And so little time

At others, there's eternity beyond
And nothing to do

Often when I'm required to think
All thoughts freeze

But when I want a little mental peace
They go into overdrive

I'm known to wait for certain things
Patiently, for years

But when it's time to achieve them
I'm unforbearing

Such random, unpleasant facts about me
I frequently remember

But I'm not sure I could, or even want to
Find a cure

For, however weird and quirky
I may be

This is part of my uniqueness
Of who I am

Just a call away

To the nutcase
Who doesn't understand

The deep shit that he is in
Will not clear itself up

All he needs is a holler
To his alien friend

Who will come along
And offer a hand

To pull him out of the muck
And hose him down

Of all the vile mucus
That's grown on his insides

So he can breath again
And remember what it was like

Before he got stuck
In the quicksand

To set him free
In his endless sky

Where he could tap into
His own self again

And breathe in the purity
Of the vast Is

So he could wander away
To test another pit of death

Mirror in the attic

Once upon my lifetime
I came across a mirror
Not the glassy kind
Though it reflected well

It was something I carried
Within me for years
But didn't know it existed
Until I chanced upon it
With my eyes closed

It was locked up in
The attic of my mind
And it stood there patiently
Waiting for me
Knowing that I would
Come by some day
And be thrilled
To discover its presence

It showed me
At a glance
The current state
Of my soul
An image
Of what I was
At the time

I found it amusing
So I began
Stopping by frequently

I liked its honesty
Its wisdom and serenity

Over time it grew
To be my friend
To whom I could reach out
Regardless of time and space

While it lasted
It was pure bliss
But then
As it happens
In most relationships
I began to
Take it for granted
Even ignoring it
Once in a while

As I focussed on
All things external
My visits began
To decline in number
And then came a day
When I forgot
How to reach the attic

It took me a while
To realize this

Then came a day
When I was reminded
Of its existence
When I needed the help
It so graciously offered

Only then did I realize
What my ignorance
Had cost me

I pined for my friend
The mirror in the attic
And however tightly
I closed my eyes
I couldn't find
The entrance
In my mind

It's been a long while now
And I'm still trying
Content with the knowledge
That it's there for me
Awaiting the day
When I will find my way
Back to it

Then we'll catch up
Taking off easily
From where we lost touch

It will tell me
From its perspective
All that it observed
About me
In my absence

Yeah, my friend--the mirror
It watches over me
All the time

I will tell it
How much I missed
Being in its company
How I tried to reach out
But suffered a memory lapse

The wise fellow will then
Chuckle and say
I know that too
My dear friend

And then we'll smile
With the happiness
Of being together again
With the satisfaction
Of knowing that
This bond is breakable
Only by death