Eyes drooping, head spinning
My body's ready to crash
But the boredom and solitude
Are upon my heart, like a gash
Cushion calls, bed beckons
But my mind refuses to rest
The wait for someone special
Is currently its primary quest
Lights dimmed, rooms silent
The world is in deep slumber
But my body can't yield to sleep
For the mind is determined to encumber
Showing posts with label Infatuated. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Infatuated. Show all posts
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Running from pain
Trapped in the cocoon
I built around myself
I wonder what made me
Build it in the first place
It may have been an attempt
To heal the bruises and hurt
From an emotional battle
Being fought for years
To prove a silly point
Against myself
Against the one I loved
Against family
It resulted in losses
Loss of trust
Loss of innocence
Loss of the sense of purpose
And then I decided
To steel myself
From any further
Emotional damage
I set aside all painful memories
Locked and hidden away
I built a facade around me
To guard against further pain
The pain was fooled
For quite some time
But eventually it got me
The facade gave way
Now the pain
Is ubiquitous
Within the facade
And outside
However far I may run
I cannot hide
I can always feel
Its presence by my side
It's almost like family now
You may not agree with them
But you're bonded nevertheless
As nature often controls choice
PS: This was written in a simple poetic mood, not as mournful as it sounds. And yes, it's an attempt at healing too. I recently found out that the mind never forgets anything (I believed I conveniently cut out a lot of painful memories).
I built around myself
I wonder what made me
Build it in the first place
It may have been an attempt
To heal the bruises and hurt
From an emotional battle
Being fought for years
To prove a silly point
Against myself
Against the one I loved
Against family
It resulted in losses
Loss of trust
Loss of innocence
Loss of the sense of purpose
And then I decided
To steel myself
From any further
Emotional damage
I set aside all painful memories
Locked and hidden away
I built a facade around me
To guard against further pain
The pain was fooled
For quite some time
But eventually it got me
The facade gave way
Now the pain
Is ubiquitous
Within the facade
And outside
However far I may run
I cannot hide
I can always feel
Its presence by my side
It's almost like family now
You may not agree with them
But you're bonded nevertheless
As nature often controls choice
PS: This was written in a simple poetic mood, not as mournful as it sounds. And yes, it's an attempt at healing too. I recently found out that the mind never forgets anything (I believed I conveniently cut out a lot of painful memories).
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Quassi-phantom limb
The soul mate continues to exist
But the connection is lost
The friends and their lives go on
But the friendship doesn't
The object is still there
But the desire isn't
The memories linger on
But the future is aborted
The possibilities will remain
But reality has conquered
The pain in the heart persists
But the disease is cured
Often I will be reminded
Of what might-have-been
The delusional sensations
Of my phantom limb
But the connection is lost
The friends and their lives go on
But the friendship doesn't
The object is still there
But the desire isn't
The memories linger on
But the future is aborted
The possibilities will remain
But reality has conquered
The pain in the heart persists
But the disease is cured
Often I will be reminded
Of what might-have-been
The delusional sensations
Of my phantom limb
Friday, June 02, 2006
Fear (II)
It was fear that made me think
Made me look into a direction other than yours
To try and find something that would be mine for eternity
Sure, those were hard times
I was almost driven to the point of insanity
My brain almost gave up but my heart, stubborn as ever, didn't
I somehow always knew
That the fear tried to conceal something
Something beautiful, something I always yearned for
This fear, I perceived
Was guarding whatever valuable there was
Not only from me, but from anyone who'd want to have it
I think of fighting my fears as a test
To know for myself, how badly I want something
How much I'd wait and what I would sacrifice to get it
My fears keep surfacing
Frequently enough to keep me on my toes
And they drive me constantly in some weird direction
Like now, for example
Where I have come, so far away from you
Who meant everything to me for those many years of my life
And look at me here, today
Conscious of nothing else but myself
Surprisingly, happier than I could ever imagine
Fear does these things to you
It tries you till you quit or conquer
You can choose to face it or turn your back on it
There's no neglecting it, however
Fear follows you when you try to run away
Face it to slay it, there's nothing you can't defeat
That's what I learned all along
Conquering the fears that haunted me
So that now I expect something better beyond every fear I encounter
Made me look into a direction other than yours
To try and find something that would be mine for eternity
Sure, those were hard times
I was almost driven to the point of insanity
My brain almost gave up but my heart, stubborn as ever, didn't
I somehow always knew
That the fear tried to conceal something
Something beautiful, something I always yearned for
This fear, I perceived
Was guarding whatever valuable there was
Not only from me, but from anyone who'd want to have it
I think of fighting my fears as a test
To know for myself, how badly I want something
How much I'd wait and what I would sacrifice to get it
My fears keep surfacing
Frequently enough to keep me on my toes
And they drive me constantly in some weird direction
Like now, for example
Where I have come, so far away from you
Who meant everything to me for those many years of my life
And look at me here, today
Conscious of nothing else but myself
Surprisingly, happier than I could ever imagine
Fear does these things to you
It tries you till you quit or conquer
You can choose to face it or turn your back on it
There's no neglecting it, however
Fear follows you when you try to run away
Face it to slay it, there's nothing you can't defeat
That's what I learned all along
Conquering the fears that haunted me
So that now I expect something better beyond every fear I encounter
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Once again I promise you
Some days back I promised you
Something I always wanted to
I thought I'd need to work hard
But found that I need to work smart
Learning something new each day
Is really interesting, I must say
It makes me build my confidence
And puts to test my intelligence
I'm required to take quick decisions
And sometimes calculate to precisions
At times I use my intuition
But rarely any assumption
It's good to make things clear
In case of doubt or fear
It's fun to plan and work all day
Spending time the productive way
Lucky to have a good synergy
I creatively utilise my energy
In my life I now have an ambition
And YOU have brought in this revolution
I'll make OUR dream come true
Once again I promise you
Something I always wanted to
I thought I'd need to work hard
But found that I need to work smart
Learning something new each day
Is really interesting, I must say
It makes me build my confidence
And puts to test my intelligence
I'm required to take quick decisions
And sometimes calculate to precisions
At times I use my intuition
But rarely any assumption
It's good to make things clear
In case of doubt or fear
It's fun to plan and work all day
Spending time the productive way
Lucky to have a good synergy
I creatively utilise my energy
In my life I now have an ambition
And YOU have brought in this revolution
I'll make OUR dream come true
Once again I promise you
Living without you
Meeting you, was like my dream come true
But living with you, was a nightmare too
Ill memories, are all that I'm left with
Can't believe, love could be such a myth
To me, you were all that mattered
But thanks to you, my heart lies shattered
How could we have lived together
If you always found your freedom better?
I might have been wrong, I do accept
But there were no secrets from you I kept
Wanted to build a good future for us
I never thought it would end up thus
I wanted to make you smile
But now you've put me into exile
It pains so deeply to see you go
But what could I ever do of your ego?
You wish to see me happy, but how can that be?
When me soul itself is not with me
It's difficult, without you here
But I'll keep breathing, for sure
If this makes you happy, then so be it
Don't remember me, not even one bit
I'll still wish you all the good
Although, with me you've been so rude
May God look upon you all the while
So that your happiness can bring back my smile
But living with you, was a nightmare too
Ill memories, are all that I'm left with
Can't believe, love could be such a myth
To me, you were all that mattered
But thanks to you, my heart lies shattered
How could we have lived together
If you always found your freedom better?
I might have been wrong, I do accept
But there were no secrets from you I kept
Wanted to build a good future for us
I never thought it would end up thus
I wanted to make you smile
But now you've put me into exile
It pains so deeply to see you go
But what could I ever do of your ego?
You wish to see me happy, but how can that be?
When me soul itself is not with me
It's difficult, without you here
But I'll keep breathing, for sure
If this makes you happy, then so be it
Don't remember me, not even one bit
I'll still wish you all the good
Although, with me you've been so rude
May God look upon you all the while
So that your happiness can bring back my smile
If only you knew
Often heard you complain, you say I'm so insane
But if only you knew, that I'm crazy for you
Further doubts you create, you say I don't appreciate
But if only you knew, oh! how I adore you
You think emotions are hollow and sentiments are shallow
But if only you knew, the way I feel for you
You've seen some crave for money and others for fame
But if only you knew, all I care for in life, is you
You wonder why they say, "life does have a purpose"
But if only you knew, that I exist for you
You say you won't trust, coz God is so unjust
But if only you knew, God made me for you
Do I think of you, every moment you think of me?
You'd know that too
If only you knew, my heart beats for you
You might ask yourself at times, "Why do I love her?"
I could answer that for you
If only there were words to express
What it means for me to love you
But if only you knew, that I'm crazy for you
Further doubts you create, you say I don't appreciate
But if only you knew, oh! how I adore you
You think emotions are hollow and sentiments are shallow
But if only you knew, the way I feel for you
You've seen some crave for money and others for fame
But if only you knew, all I care for in life, is you
You wonder why they say, "life does have a purpose"
But if only you knew, that I exist for you
You say you won't trust, coz God is so unjust
But if only you knew, God made me for you
Do I think of you, every moment you think of me?
You'd know that too
If only you knew, my heart beats for you
You might ask yourself at times, "Why do I love her?"
I could answer that for you
If only there were words to express
What it means for me to love you
There's something about you
There's something abouit you, that drives me crazy
Can you tell me, what makes me dizzy?
I dream of you all day
"Don't wake me up", is all I say
There's something about you, that leaves me spellbound
But what it is, I still haven't found
Your every move entices
You're a bundle of surprises
There's something about you, that makes you special
Maybe its your charm, that seems so natural
You have these unique attributes
That separate you from the multitudes
There's something about you, very conspicuous
Your smile, thats really contagious
Just thinking of you, gets me excited
A meeting with you leaves me delighted
There's something about you, I always tend to wonder
How did gain, all this splendour
Are you only adorable?
Or at times, even vulnerable?
There's something about you, I always want to know
But I guess, you'll never ever show
Whenever we are together, you never seem to be cozy
Is it something about me, that drives you crazy?
Can you tell me, what makes me dizzy?
I dream of you all day
"Don't wake me up", is all I say
There's something about you, that leaves me spellbound
But what it is, I still haven't found
Your every move entices
You're a bundle of surprises
There's something about you, that makes you special
Maybe its your charm, that seems so natural
You have these unique attributes
That separate you from the multitudes
There's something about you, very conspicuous
Your smile, thats really contagious
Just thinking of you, gets me excited
A meeting with you leaves me delighted
There's something about you, I always tend to wonder
How did gain, all this splendour
Are you only adorable?
Or at times, even vulnerable?
There's something about you, I always want to know
But I guess, you'll never ever show
Whenever we are together, you never seem to be cozy
Is it something about me, that drives you crazy?
You're my inspiration
You're my goal, you're my soul
You're the only thing I want
You're my buddy, you're my teddy
You're the best thing I flaunt
You're my joy, not just a boy
With whom I could flirt
You're my life, wanna be your wife
I never could see you hurt
All my feelings, all about me
You say you wanna know
I tried all things, and believe me
It's difficult to show
Not that I'm scared, but just can't dare
To open my self to you
I'm a bit shy, I don't know why
Though I've spent years with you
One things for sure, I always want you near
'Coz you drive away my fear and always make me cheer
Your love makes me fly
In your arms I wanna die
'Coz "you're my inspiration
and my final destination..."
You're the only thing I want
You're my buddy, you're my teddy
You're the best thing I flaunt
You're my joy, not just a boy
With whom I could flirt
You're my life, wanna be your wife
I never could see you hurt
All my feelings, all about me
You say you wanna know
I tried all things, and believe me
It's difficult to show
Not that I'm scared, but just can't dare
To open my self to you
I'm a bit shy, I don't know why
Though I've spent years with you
One things for sure, I always want you near
'Coz you drive away my fear and always make me cheer
Your love makes me fly
In your arms I wanna die
'Coz "you're my inspiration
and my final destination..."
As we part
As you get ready to go
Tears are bound to flow
You ask me not to show
But I can't do it, you know
Well, thats was past
The shadow of time is cast
Seems like, we've grown up so fast
Bitter things, never last
Now, as you go away
I have a few things to say
I won't keep crying all day
'Coz in my heart, you'll stay
You ask me to keep busy
And not to become lazy
You say things aren't easy
Ou future still looks hazy
This time, I promise you
Everything I will do
I know, the years are few
But I see opportunities in a queue
I'll make use of them
Treat each one like a gem
To make the picture clear
Of our future, my dear
We both, now need to strive
Into darkness, take a dive
To make a bright little hive
And not just survive, but thrive
So let us now part
Of course, not by heart
Let our efforts together nurture
A calm and beautiful future
Tears are bound to flow
You ask me not to show
But I can't do it, you know
Well, thats was past
The shadow of time is cast
Seems like, we've grown up so fast
Bitter things, never last
Now, as you go away
I have a few things to say
I won't keep crying all day
'Coz in my heart, you'll stay
You ask me to keep busy
And not to become lazy
You say things aren't easy
Ou future still looks hazy
This time, I promise you
Everything I will do
I know, the years are few
But I see opportunities in a queue
I'll make use of them
Treat each one like a gem
To make the picture clear
Of our future, my dear
We both, now need to strive
Into darkness, take a dive
To make a bright little hive
And not just survive, but thrive
So let us now part
Of course, not by heart
Let our efforts together nurture
A calm and beautiful future
Fear (I)
I remember the day we first met
You had fear in your eyes
Fear of being rejected, of not being loved
I remember the weeks that followed
You had admiration in your eyes
Admiration for me, the one you loved
I remember the months that went by
You had desire in your eyes
Desire to love me and also be loved
I remember the years that passed by
You had faith in your eyes
Faith in me, in the love we shared
Looking back into the past
I realise, the years flew by so fast
It was like a dream
Seen with eyes wide open
And then I blinked...
Now I hardly get to see you
Forget about hearing from you
It's my turn now
Can't you see the fear in my eyes
Fear of being neglected, of not being loved?
I try to run away from it
But the fear blinds me
Fear of being ignored, of being lonely...
It eclipses my existence
And I keep groping in the dark
Trying to find myself...
You had fear in your eyes
Fear of being rejected, of not being loved
I remember the weeks that followed
You had admiration in your eyes
Admiration for me, the one you loved
I remember the months that went by
You had desire in your eyes
Desire to love me and also be loved
I remember the years that passed by
You had faith in your eyes
Faith in me, in the love we shared
Looking back into the past
I realise, the years flew by so fast
It was like a dream
Seen with eyes wide open
And then I blinked...
Now I hardly get to see you
Forget about hearing from you
It's my turn now
Can't you see the fear in my eyes
Fear of being neglected, of not being loved?
I try to run away from it
But the fear blinds me
Fear of being ignored, of being lonely...
It eclipses my existence
And I keep groping in the dark
Trying to find myself...
Someone so cute
Once in a lifetime, you come across someone so cute
He makes a room in your heart unknowingly
Someone who occupies your mind all the time
And you don't know why
Once in a lifetime, you meet someone so cute
Before you know whats happening
You've lost your heart to him
Someone whose smile spreads to your lips
And you don't know why
Once in a lifetime, you like someone so cute
You risk anything just to get a glimpse of him
Someone whom you can't do without
And you don't know why
Once in a lifetime you love someone so cute
You break all barriers, you care only for him
Someone whom you trust blindly
And you don't know why
Once in a lifetime you feel so cute
Because of that Someone
And you keep wondering, WHY?
He makes a room in your heart unknowingly
Someone who occupies your mind all the time
And you don't know why
Once in a lifetime, you meet someone so cute
Before you know whats happening
You've lost your heart to him
Someone whose smile spreads to your lips
And you don't know why
Once in a lifetime, you like someone so cute
You risk anything just to get a glimpse of him
Someone whom you can't do without
And you don't know why
Once in a lifetime you love someone so cute
You break all barriers, you care only for him
Someone whom you trust blindly
And you don't know why
Once in a lifetime you feel so cute
Because of that Someone
And you keep wondering, WHY?
I wanna be with you
With the first ray of daylight
That peeks through the window
A feeling in my heart wakes up
I look around, trying to find you
But all I get is emptiness, without you
The start of a day - I wanna be with you
With every new morning
That paints a rainbow
It feels fresh and good enough
The world looks bright and colourful too
But all this is meaningless, without you
All through the morning - I wanna be with you
With the blazing sun
And the scorching heat
The day drags on, for people around
For me it could be happy and cheerful too
But only if I get to be with you
All through the day - I wanna be with you
With the setting sun
And the growing chill
People move around, having fun
I find myself among lots of friends
But feel lonely in the crowd, without you
Every beautiful evening - I wanna be with you
With the wonderful moon
In the starlit sky
The world seems to be resting in peace
My heart, however, is restless
But its just the passion, I feel for you
As the day ends - I wanna be with you
Every morning, all day
Every evening, all night
I have only you on my mind
Now all the way
All through my life
I wanna be with you all the time
That peeks through the window
A feeling in my heart wakes up
I look around, trying to find you
But all I get is emptiness, without you
The start of a day - I wanna be with you
With every new morning
That paints a rainbow
It feels fresh and good enough
The world looks bright and colourful too
But all this is meaningless, without you
All through the morning - I wanna be with you
With the blazing sun
And the scorching heat
The day drags on, for people around
For me it could be happy and cheerful too
But only if I get to be with you
All through the day - I wanna be with you
With the setting sun
And the growing chill
People move around, having fun
I find myself among lots of friends
But feel lonely in the crowd, without you
Every beautiful evening - I wanna be with you
With the wonderful moon
In the starlit sky
The world seems to be resting in peace
My heart, however, is restless
But its just the passion, I feel for you
As the day ends - I wanna be with you
Every morning, all day
Every evening, all night
I have only you on my mind
Now all the way
All through my life
I wanna be with you all the time
I want you to be mine - forever
The look in your eyes, melts me like ice
The words you say, take me up astray
And so, my dear, I want you to be mine - forever
When you're not around, I feel left-out and lonely
But with you around, The feeling is 'just lovely'!
And so, my dear, I want you to be mine - forever
Your make me feel loved, With the crazy things you do
And I don't mind being alone, As long as I'm with you
And so, my dear, I want you to be mine, forever
To God I pray, and say "Please,"
"This love we share, should never cease"
And when God says "Yes, dear..."
I know you will be mine - FOREVER
The words you say, take me up astray
And so, my dear, I want you to be mine - forever
When you're not around, I feel left-out and lonely
But with you around, The feeling is 'just lovely'!
And so, my dear, I want you to be mine - forever
Your make me feel loved, With the crazy things you do
And I don't mind being alone, As long as I'm with you
And so, my dear, I want you to be mine, forever
To God I pray, and say "Please,"
"This love we share, should never cease"
And when God says "Yes, dear..."
I know you will be mine - FOREVER
Is that what you call Love?
When I'm feeling down, You're never around
When I need comfort, You just make me feel hurt
Is that what you call Love?
Years ago, when I gave you my heart
From this whole wide world, I set you apart
But for you, I was never just-the-one
With friends and family, you had a lot more fun
Is that what you call Love?
The moment you called me
I'd be there to quench you thirst
But you never had time for me
Other things always came first
Is that what you call Love?
Well, I know, you're just too sweet
And you can make friends, with whoever you meet
But does that mean
I am nowhere in the scene?
Is that what you call Love?
Tell me now
Just let me know
Is that what you call Love?
When I need comfort, You just make me feel hurt
Is that what you call Love?
Years ago, when I gave you my heart
From this whole wide world, I set you apart
But for you, I was never just-the-one
With friends and family, you had a lot more fun
Is that what you call Love?
The moment you called me
I'd be there to quench you thirst
But you never had time for me
Other things always came first
Is that what you call Love?
Well, I know, you're just too sweet
And you can make friends, with whoever you meet
But does that mean
I am nowhere in the scene?
Is that what you call Love?
Tell me now
Just let me know
Is that what you call Love?
A smile of yours
A smile of yours, brought us close
A smile of yours, made us friends
A smile of yours, changed my life
A smile of yours, made me fall for you
A smile of yours, taught me a thing or two
It taught me to bear my sorrows bravely
It taught me to spread happiness around me
It taught me to keep my sorrows to myself
Not letting them trouble anyone else
I thank you for that smile of yours
I wish I could see that smile of yours
As long as I live
A smile of yours, made us friends
A smile of yours, changed my life
A smile of yours, made me fall for you
A smile of yours, taught me a thing or two
It taught me to bear my sorrows bravely
It taught me to spread happiness around me
It taught me to keep my sorrows to myself
Not letting them trouble anyone else
I thank you for that smile of yours
I wish I could see that smile of yours
As long as I live
Ever since I met you
Ever since I met you
I see only you
And there's noone else in sight
Ever since I met you
I wanna be with you
From dawn to dusk, every day and night
Ever since I met you
I'm into a realtionship
Friendship and love, alike
Ever since I met you
There's a dream I cherish
We'll be together, dead or alive
Ever since I met you
I've had this feeling
That I'm your's and you are mine
I see only you
And there's noone else in sight
Ever since I met you
I wanna be with you
From dawn to dusk, every day and night
Ever since I met you
I'm into a realtionship
Friendship and love, alike
Ever since I met you
There's a dream I cherish
We'll be together, dead or alive
Ever since I met you
I've had this feeling
That I'm your's and you are mine
Love keeps me going
On a lonely night like this
I can feel the sadness creeping over me
At any such time
I always wish I could die
But then someone inside me says
"No, you've got to live on!
'Coz there's one more ray of light
Coming from a brighter world, far away"
And it means there's my share of success & joy too
Which I've got to catch up to...
There'll surely be a time when the one I love will be at my side
He'll fulfill all my wishes
He'll love me with all his heart
And he'll be sure I'll do the same
But there's still a long way to go
Before my dream comes true
And there are lots of troubles on the way, I know
Yet, there's this one thing which keeps leading me on
And that's nothing else but LOVE
I can feel the sadness creeping over me
At any such time
I always wish I could die
But then someone inside me says
"No, you've got to live on!
'Coz there's one more ray of light
Coming from a brighter world, far away"
And it means there's my share of success & joy too
Which I've got to catch up to...
There'll surely be a time when the one I love will be at my side
He'll fulfill all my wishes
He'll love me with all his heart
And he'll be sure I'll do the same
But there's still a long way to go
Before my dream comes true
And there are lots of troubles on the way, I know
Yet, there's this one thing which keeps leading me on
And that's nothing else but LOVE
I'll be missing you
Don't go away honey, I'm telling you
You believe it or you don't, I'll be missing you
The saddest moments of my life
Are the moments when I'm alone
The loneliest times of my life
Are the times when you leave me alone
'Coz when you're next to me
I feel that the world is with me
And that's why I am saying
Darling, whether you believe it or you don't
I'll be missing you
When we'll be apart
I'll surely do my part
Of remembering those days
When we were face to face
But then I'll be alone
Sharing our memories with myself
And that's why I am saying
Darling, whether you believe it or you don't
I'll be missing you
That's all I'll say sweetheart
For you ought to know by now
That I'll be missing you
You believe it or you don't, I'll be missing you
The saddest moments of my life
Are the moments when I'm alone
The loneliest times of my life
Are the times when you leave me alone
'Coz when you're next to me
I feel that the world is with me
And that's why I am saying
Darling, whether you believe it or you don't
I'll be missing you
When we'll be apart
I'll surely do my part
Of remembering those days
When we were face to face
But then I'll be alone
Sharing our memories with myself
And that's why I am saying
Darling, whether you believe it or you don't
I'll be missing you
That's all I'll say sweetheart
For you ought to know by now
That I'll be missing you
Promise you love
Promise you love, I won't ditch you
Gimme a chance, I wanna show you
How much I love you
Swear to you love, I won't forget you
Although far from you, My heart's with you
And just loving you
Wish you were here, And I next to you
We'd be singing away, Like two Lovebirds
In the valley of love
Won't you be comin', And takin, me along
To the paradise of love, In your warm embrace
Saying you too love me
That's the life, I long for
That's the way, I wanna live
In the paradise of love, Along with you
I love you
I love you
I love you
Gimme a chance, I wanna show you
How much I love you
Swear to you love, I won't forget you
Although far from you, My heart's with you
And just loving you
Wish you were here, And I next to you
We'd be singing away, Like two Lovebirds
In the valley of love
Won't you be comin', And takin, me along
To the paradise of love, In your warm embrace
Saying you too love me
That's the life, I long for
That's the way, I wanna live
In the paradise of love, Along with you
I love you
I love you
I love you
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