Sigh!

Finally, I'm done with posting all the verses I wrote so far
...wrote 70 of them in a span of 10 years!
Most of these are responses to / descriptions of events in my life.
At times, I feel that I have used all the words I know, in all possible combinations.
But I continue to surprise myself with each new composition.
I hope the source, from where these things flow, continues to help me channelize my energies / emotions.

Jee karta hai (II)

Jee karta hai, kuchh gungunaoon, kuchh gaaoon main
Lavz jo kabhi ubhare na ho dil ki gehraiyon se
Naye suron mein, unhe piroh kar
Naya taraana banau main

Jee karta hai, udd udd jaaoon, ambar mein main
Khwaab jo kabhi dekhe na ho raat ki parchhaieyon mein
Neele gagan mein, khud ko hi kho kar
Naya afsaana banau main

Jee karta hai, phir utrun jab, dharti pe main
Boondein jo kabhi nikli na ho aasmaan ke aanchal se
In baadalon mein, unko sang le kar
Nayi barsaatein le aaoon main

Jee karta hai, behti jaaoon, is dariya main
Boondein jo behti aaie, parbaton ke daaman se
Inhi maujon mein, unko dubo kar
Naye kinaare le jaaoon main

Tera saath hua karta tha

Is haath mein mere, tera haath hua karta tha
Har rah mein meri, tera saath hua karta tha

Kya din the mere, kya raatein hua karti thi
Jo chahate meri, sab poori hua karti thi

Hum jab se the mile, sama mehka hua lagta tha
Tum paas the mere, jahan rangeen bada lagta tha

Woh khushiyaan meri, jaane kahan gum ho gayi
O meri dil-nasheen, jaane kahan tum kho gayi

Ab tum nahi mere, to ruswaai hi haath hai
Har rah mein meri, bas tanhaai ka saath hai

Kya khwaab the mere, kya haqeeqat ab baaki hai
Ab dhadkane meri, bas itni dua karti hai

Ab tum jahan raho, sapnon ki wahan mehfil ho
Jis aur tum chalo, khushiyaan hi tumhe haasil ho

Beete hue jo pal, unhe bhoolna bada mushkil hain
Hai aisa yeh safar, jahan dard hi meri manzil hai

Jee karta hai (I)

Jee karta hai, kuch gaaoon, kuch gungunaoon main
Lavz jo kabhi ubhare na ho dil ki gehraiyon se
Naye suron mein unhe piroh kar
Naya taraana aaj banau main

Jee karta hai, bhatak jaoon, rahein bhool jaoon main
Jis makaam tak kabhi khwaab bhi na pahonche ho
In dishaaon ki saheli bankar
Us mazil ka safar apnaoon main

Jee karta hai, kuch sochoon, kuch samajhoon main
Kisi anjaane shayar ki bhooli hui gazal ko
Apne andaaz se padhkar
Naya afsaana jee loon main

Jee karta hai, door kahin, bas behti jaaoon main
Insaani jasbaaton ka jahan basera na ho
Aisi duniya se talash kar
Naye khayal khoj laoon main

Jee karta hai, so jaoon, aisi gehri neend mein
Na saansein chalein, na dil dhadake
Kuch aisa ho us nisha ka asar
Ki wohi savera dobara na dekh paoon main

That thing you do

You whisper sweet wishes every morning into my ears
You offer your shoulder to wipe away my tears

You brighten up my day with a smile or a hug
You go out of your way to make me feel smug

You treat me like a queen and pamper me silly
You caress me with your touch, soft as a lily

You walk beside me or even carry me in your arms
You chase away my blues and cheer me with your charms

It's your presence around me that makes life worth living
I wonder if I could return even half of what you're giving

Fear (II)

It was fear that made me think
Made me look into a direction other than yours
To try and find something that would be mine for eternity

Sure, those were hard times
I was almost driven to the point of insanity
My brain almost gave up but my heart, stubborn as ever, didn't

I somehow always knew
That the fear tried to conceal something
Something beautiful, something I always yearned for

This fear, I perceived
Was guarding whatever valuable there was
Not only from me, but from anyone who'd want to have it

I think of fighting my fears as a test
To know for myself, how badly I want something
How much I'd wait and what I would sacrifice to get it

My fears keep surfacing
Frequently enough to keep me on my toes
And they drive me constantly in some weird direction

Like now, for example
Where I have come, so far away from you
Who meant everything to me for those many years of my life

And look at me here, today
Conscious of nothing else but myself
Surprisingly, happier than I could ever imagine

Fear does these things to you
It tries you till you quit or conquer
You can choose to face it or turn your back on it

There's no neglecting it, however
Fear follows you when you try to run away
Face it to slay it, there's nothing you can't defeat

That's what I learned all along
Conquering the fears that haunted me
So that now I expect something better beyond every fear I encounter

Humaaraa safar

Nikal pade hain saath-saath
Ek-dusare ka thaame hue haath

Na kisi ek dishaa mein chalnaa hai
Na kisi manzil ki or badhna hai

Bas tay karne hain kuchh raastein
Jo hum khud banaayenge apne vaaste

Is safar ka koi maqsad nahi hai
Sirf saath chalne ka mazaa kaafi hai

Jab raahein banaana apne bas mein ho
To hume hi sochna hain ki wo kaisi ho

Jab khushi paane ka man kare, to unhe khoobsoorat banaayenge
Jab khushi man bhar jaye, to unmein kaante bikher denge

Man kare to peechhe mud jayenge
Ya chaahein to naya mod bana denge

Apni zindagi hum khud jiyenge
Apni maut hum khud marenge

Maut ke baad bhi agar koi safar hota hai
To usmein bhi saath chalna hum pasand karenge

The force within

I'm a very blessed child
Once again I realize
When I close my eyes
I can see myself as a complete human being
All my organs in place, and functioning well
A brain that works
A heart that feels
And a mind for sound judgement
I'm not a cripple
Who has to struggle through the daily grind
I'm lucky enough to be self-dependent
What more can one ask for?
Yes, I falter many a times
But at least I am able to assess that
I have the courage to accept my faults
I ability to overcome them
And the humility to learn from them
At times, I feel like a genius
When certain good ideas pop up
And then I end up congratulating myself
So I don't need others' appreciation
For my personal gratification
Every now and then I can feel the presence of the Force
The Balancing Factor, the Source of Beauty in this cosmos
And every time it comforts me
To know that it is also within me

A difficult choice

I've made a difficult choice recently
And I don't know where it's gonna take me
Or, maybe, I do
And, altough, I prefer not to think of it
It looms large like an omnipresent fear
It's a guilt I'm gonna carry for a long time to come
Not towards anyone else but myself
I wanted something, and was drawn towards it
Not only that, I got it moving in my direction
But then I was distracted by something else on the way
Something so desirable, and so accessible
I set aside my previous goal for another lifetime
Yet, this doesn't mean that the goal was less important or less desirable
But, somehow, I'm not yet capable of handling it
I'd prefer to wait, to learn, to stumble across numerous paths
Which could someday lead me to it
I may be blood-spattered or half-dead by then
But, I'll be sure I'm worthy of it
And wise enough to understand its true meaning

Creative utilization of negative energy :)

Sometimes things really piss me off
And then I can't do anything but scoff

Usually it's something very silly
That makes me fume like a red hot chilly

Then I need to run away into a shelter
Just to save others around me from my temper

Not that it matters to most people
But at times it makes me feel a bit feeble

How could I let such trivia trouble me
When I always want myself to be hassle-free

Aap ka asar

Nazaron ke saamne, har waqt, aap hi chhaye rehte ho
Aankhen band kar leti hoon phir bhi aap hi dikhaai dete ho

Khayalon mein mere aaj-kal aap hi base rehte ho
Kuch aur sochna chaahu to bhi aap hi yaad aa jaate ho

Kaanon mein har lamha aapki hasi goonjti rehti hain
Baat koi bhi kar le, awaz aapki sunaai deti hai

Saason ko humaari, jab aapki saansein mehkaati hain
Dhadkanon mein aapki, humaari dhadkanein kho jaati hain

Lahu banke, nason mein humaari, ab se aap hi bahaa karo
Gujaarish hai aapse, wajood ko humaare, yunhi mitaa diya karo

When you walked into my life

The past few months have left me feeling like a river run dry
Words would not pour forth, as before
From that eternal source of life and joy

I kept pondering over the reason
But could not come to a conclusion

Then, I gave up searching
And just let myself be

Just as we, on earth, have seasons
The mind also has "dry spells," I reasoned

Change is the only constant--it's so true
I couldn't agree more

For, soon enough, something around me would change
Someone was to enter my life, and get very close

And that someone is so disarming
I had to lay bare everything for him

So he could reach deep enough
To touch the core of my existence

His touch created gentle ripples in me
That helped my feelings to resurface

The river that had seemed to dry up
Was actually a brook caught under the frost

The warmth this person exudes
Is melting the frozen surface

The brook itself is aspiring to be freed
So it could bathe this person in its glory

He knows this very well, but opts not to speak of it
And behind his simple appearance, I can see an aura of perfection

Making love

You ask me what I'm feeling...

Now, how do I tell you what's on my mind?
How do I tell you, with so many strangers around?

Strangers, I call them, for they do not know us
They can see what we do
But they don't understand how deep it is

For them, it's just a touch, a physical contact

How would they know that it's the best way to -
Tell you how much I appreciate your presence
How much you love me for being myself, and
How happy we are to have found each other

It's only in solitude that we can surrender completely
And accept each other
With all our similarities and differences
The essence of our character

...That's what making love is all about

And that's how I want to tell you
That I've found my happiness in you

I want to have you

I want to have you...

Like a mother has a child -
A life breathed into her
Which then takes a beautiful form of its own

Like dew drops on a tree -
Condensed from the atmosphere
And soothing the parched skin of its tender leaves

Like a baby bird's first flight -
Freed from the limitation of the nest
Flapping its tiny wings to conquer the expanse of the sky

Like the certainty of death -
Liberating me from this matrix
And helping me step into another dimension of learning and light

Like the achievement of perfection -
When I break the barriers of doubt and despair
Only to notice the paradigm shift
...One more challenge thrown my way
To churn the answers out of my all-knowing self

I want to have you like never before...

A reconnection with my soul
Long lost and very, very recently found

To the one I love

Across the distance that separates us
I can see you my dear one
Living the continuum of time

Defeating the ghosts of your past
That haunt every moment of your solitude
Threatening to break you

Laying the foundation of your future
By working towards it
Every minute of your day and night

Yet you live the present
Like no one else could
Seeking and testing your integrity at once

If you think circumstances are not in you favor
Just look from my perspective
You'll see yourself surrounded by opportunities

You are proving your mettle every moment
Doing your duty towards yourself
Striving hard to attain your goals

You say you're nowhere near perfection
But I can see you getting closer to it each day
With your grit and determination

It's your desire that drives you on
Your hope that keeps you going
And your passion that fuels your actions

Faith

When you're too happy for words
And the ones closest to you don't care
What do you do
When they just don't want to look from your point of view
For you it's jubilation time
While they linger around in doubts
Doubts about your capability, your success
They'd ask for proof
And show no excitement about your achievement
They neither appreciate whole-heartedly
Nor share their concern

They allow you to go on with your activities
As if nothing happened
So you keep walking with a heavy heart
And just when you are about to reap the benefits of your hard work
They appear out of nowhere
Only to tie your feet with ropes
Whose control lies in their minds

It is then that you go through a trauma
For you know you love them
And yet you can't sacrifice the possibilities
You know they don't mean harm
They try to play it safe
But end up asking you to put your future at stake

When you're brimming with self-confidence
And they command you to settle for mediocrity
How do you react to such atrocity

It is at this moment that your faith is tested
You have an option to be calm
And look up to the One who plans it all
Smile at Him, and He is bound to melt
The ropes will be loosened, the pressures reduced
You'll be let go, and may walk on to a certain distance

As your dear ones see you take control
As they see you win your battles
They will themselves cut the ropes
And they will draw closer
Not to oppose, not to hold you back
But to support you in every venture
For by now, they will have realized
Your true potential and your strength of character

Effort

It's always been like this in here
I have to keep waiting and hold back a tear

Al my wishes, my every desire
Requires me to walk through fire

At times it's easy and rather quick
Seems like it was only a trick

At other times it goes on and on
Till my faith is tattered and torn

But then, I survive yet again
And realize, it's not all in vain

The object of my desire is gifted to me
Just as I had imagined it to be

But then, I look back at the incident
And remember, it hasn't been an accident

It was my effort and determination
That helped magnetize this satisfaction

From Duality to Neutrality

Ever wondered at how the absence of one thing means
The presence of another?

Consider Truth, for example
The absence of which, identifies
The presence of a Fallacy
Just as the absence of Life ascertains
The presence of Death

Boolean values, you call them, don’t you?
Which constitute the very foundation
Of this Information Age
Digital signals, magnetic and optical storage
What have you!

Think of a Day
Whose Death itself
Gives Birth to a Night
The End of which in turn
Marks the Beginning of yet another day
This phenomenon of oscillation
That drives the universe…

Yet, existence and non-existence
Are not distinct entities
There has to be an interface that binds them
So that they don’t face each other, or get interwoven

Neutrality, I call it

As long as we “feel”
We remain part of the oscillatory wave
Vibrating between the two extremes
At our own frequencies

I perceive these, as anxiety and pleasure
Our velocity is what keeps us in motion

Ironically, during oscillation
We pass through this state of being neutral
But only momentarily

If you notice, that’s the moment
When we experience freedom
From both, joy, as well as grief

The key lies in reducing our velocity
And gradually, we’ll settle down
To this median of Neutrality

…The result of Nirvana
Derived from the Principle of Duality

Gratitude

I often wonder, if I get to thank God, how would it be?

This life I got, the love I sought
In all his kindness, he showered upon me

The basic necessities of life stand fulfilled
Without a request or a prayer

It is an indication that I am a blessed child
Given special attention and care

I do not have to struggle for existence
That peace has been granted

All I'm supposed to do is utilize the foundation
To build a strong structure of love

Love, that comes with learning
Learning through exploration
Exploring to seek answers
The quest with a passion

A passion to get acquainted with myself
To identify a part of me in everything and everyone else
To locate myself in every simultaneous time and space

And when I have done that
My purpose will be solved

I will have found
The words to express the gratitude I owe to the Almightly Soul
The courage and purity needed to stand and look up to The One
Not in arrogance, but in humility

And let the Ultimate Being embrace me
Into a life of further learning

Flashback

Memories of my childhood
Often peep through the past
Pictures of the neighborhood
Flash by, a bit too fast

I was the reigning queen then
Adored byt everyone I met
My house used to be my great den
Where all my comforts were set

The days began with innocent mischief
By relieving people of their illnesses
With a runny nose rubbed into the kerchief
After poking into other's businesses

I'd run around as much as I could
With those two chubby little feet
Till I'd wear myself more than I should
And finally curl up into the sheet

Pranks filled up the days
While dreams ruled the nights
Things had to go my ways
Or we'd end up with fights

Puddles were my favorite pass time
And mom had to drag me out
But for me there was no last time
And she still needs to shout

Somewhere along the way
Things changed as I grew
My learning differed each day
With the conclusions I drew

The complex puzzles of life
Caught me in their net
Cutting these ropes with a knife
Isn't quite easy, I bet

These flashbacks provide relief
From the daily torment
They help me forget my grief
And enjoy every moment

A jumble of words

A jumble of words, a maze of letters
A heap of symbols, I browse through

Though, at times, it gives me the jitters
And I can't get an idea to fall through

At such scary times, my heart flutters
And I doubt if I can even scrape through

I mumble words, and let out stutters
I turn blind to what I usually see through

Then I seek refuge in one of the obscure corners
Where not a soul can peep through

A few minutes to myself, and then it seems
That there's nothing I can't run through

Blessings

The early morning dewdrops
Bring freshness into my life
But I tend to ignore them
Burdened with yesterday's failures
And anxious of the days to come

Each day brings a fresh start
A whole new set of opportunities
As an answer to my prayers
But I forget that it's a blessing
And end up taking it for granted

I fail to keep in mind
That each day is just a time frame
No day is different by itself
Unless I make it stand out from the rest

It takes a few minutes of introspection like these
To sit back and reflect, every now and then
About the gifts life has given me
And what I have done with them

I need to constantly remind myself
Especially when I crib about what I lack
That what I have in hand
Is not to be assumed, nor will it stay forever

Whenever I do this kind of self-talk
I find myself better able to cope with any situation
For then, I notice the positive aspects of things
Focus, and build on them, instead of shying away

It's only when I get in touch with my inner self
That the layers of rust are washed away
To reveal the clear, calm divinity
In whose light I can learn and grow

Me and the moon

Out of my window, I look at the moon
Towering above the tree tops
Amid fluffy little clouds
At times, I see the surrounding halo
With my chin tucked into my pillow

At times, the moon peeks back at me
I can see the sheepish smile
Behind its radiant smile
Spreading its tender rays onto my face
A slight tinlge on my skin

As the soft breeze ruffles my hair
My arms spread out involuntarily
My lips part to let out a sigh
Eyes lowered, and head thrown back
As if in mute surrender

The sounds of a gypsy song echo in my ears
As if I've been one of them, all through the years
A gentle tap on my shoulder zaps me back to reality
And I know, it's only time
Who can exercise this brutality

My journey with you

I was wounded, and I was dead
I didn't know which way to head
Then you came to me and said
You can't just stop, you have to tread

You gave me your hand
And you helped me stand
You flew me off to another land
Hypnotized by a magic wand

The land of imaginations and dreams
To both of us, the beloved realms
Where knowledge flows through lovely streams
And ideas appear as radiant beams

When everything was sad and sore
I escaped through a secret door
You breathed life into me once more
You touched me from the surface to the core

And just when I thought you set me free
I turned around and saw you flee
You made me feel like a supporting tree
Though, without me, you could be glee

All the love I feel today
Would have never come my way
Had I not gone astray
And happened to hear you say

"Sweet wookie, where are you?
I'm feeling so lonely and blue
Tell me what I need to do
To fly away and be with you"

Soon, we happened to find each other
And then nothing else did matter
Bu this was to happen sooner or later
And now I think, it was for better

All this hurt, and all this pain
Makes me feel like I've been slain
I would have never felt it again
But now I know, it's all in vain

Emptiness

A terrible void surrounding me
A terrible hollow within me

Nothing to care for
No one to live for

I wake up with a lost mind
Only to face the daily grind

There seems to be no purpose
And yes, I think it makes me nervous

Nothing to look forward to
So now, what do I do?

But when I'm almost convinced about being dead
A pain arises from the heart and ends up in the head

Just when I think I've lost all feeling
Something tells me, I need healing

To make it worse, the wounds of yesterday
Surprisingly, don't matter to me today

What then, is this pain about?
Is it love again? I doubt...

And if it is love, then why this emptiness?
Inspite of finding a soulmate, there's loneliness

A thousand questions pertaining to the future
But from an empty present, I need to venture

Crazy words

I'm in the mood for some fun today
So don't expect me to make sense
Or you can just go your way

I'm about to try something I never did before
Like building a house of words
To see what it can store

There's an array of emotions in this heart
Love, care and hope for a friend
Who's close yet far apart

I want to arrange each and every feeling
Over the entire floor
That goes right upto the ceiling

Scramble the words, bend the rules
Break free of conventions
Let's do away with old tools

Let your imaginations run wild
Don't settle for adoptions
Bear your own child

Your ideas make up your identity
So never borrow them
That's self-infidelity

Never be put down by any calamity
Try over and over again
Never settle for mediocrity

With these crazy words, let me summarize
Care for yourself
Love your work
Hope for the best
And may all your dreams materialize

Aap ka khayaal

Jaanu, aapke baare mein sochti hoon, to koi aur khayal nahi rehta
Aapse baat karne ke baad, kuch aur sunne ka man nahi karta

Aankhein band kar loon, to aapki maujoodgi ka ehsaas hota hai
Aapki muskaan jab yaad aaye, wo lamha theher-sa jaata hai

Kitni saari baatein karni hain, sochti hoon, jaane kab milenge
Par itna bhi jaanti hoon, milne par kuch bhi na keh sakenge

Itne faasalon ke baavajood bhi, aap kyu inte kareeb lagte ho
Itne anjaan hokar bhi, aap kyu apne-se lagte ho

Jab se aapko jaana hai, bas aap ki ho chuki hoon
Aapki kitni aarzoo hai, ab tak na keh saki hoon

Aap is tarah se dekha na karo, ek chhoti-si gujaarish hai
Sharm se palkein jhuk jaati hain, tauba, ye kaisi kashish hai

Finding my objective

Wanted to escape for a long time now
I grabbed the chance today, somehow
Through this little verse, I intend to rebel
And scrap those problems on which I dwell

It's time to switch to a new perspective
And identify my real objective
It isn't as easy as it sounds, though
There are hurdles on every way I go

Never to get caught back in a net
Never to rest till my goal is set
I need to have a passionate aspiration
Challenges then provide all the inspiration

The absence of an objective in life
Results in a constant internal strife
And pain is all that you can inflict
With the impairing self-conflict

Well, that contradicts my true entity
'Cause I believe in my own integrity
So, today, here I make a vow
I'll find my objective, anyhow

Baatein (II)

Palkein moond lete hi, khwaabon ki barsaat hoti hai
Khwaabon mein tum aate hi, rangeen ye qaaynaat hoti hai

Baatein tumhaari sunte hi, khayaalon mein kho jaati hoon
Khwaabon ke is silsile ko, kuch aur main uljha deti hoon

Uljhanon se hi banti hai khoobsoorat ye zindagi
Warna koi kyu karta kisi khuda ki bandagi

Na jaane kaun-sa jahaan khojte rehtein hain
Hum aur tum, na jaage, na soye rehtein hain

Bematlab ki baatein hain, log to yehi samajhtein hain
Par in baaton ki gehraai, bas, hum dono jaantein hain

Insomnia

As the city rests in peaceful slumber
I dream that I'm a little plumber

Every person has leaky pipes
And all are of different types

I have mine, back home, too
But those, I seldom attend to

I get too fussy sorting out things
Analyzing the perspectives of other beings

I dwell on an issue long enough
And that adds on to the pending stuff

I need to let go of every entity
That threatens to destroy my sanity

I'm clinging on to my profession
Trying to forget every emotion

And in chasing away the phobia
I've eventually gotten insomnia

My elusive friend

I'm killing everything human inside me
I'm killing every emotion that could be

There's a bond that ties me to you
But it's meaningless, I know

The farther I go from you
The harder it tugs at me

It was just a moment of weakness
That put me into this mess

I try my best to make love a happy emotion
But each time it drowns me in my own tears

Each time I try to rebel and rise out of this vicious spell
I am termed "inhuman" and branded "heartless"

But who will ever know
Deep inside, all I ever have is love

It's my heart that influences every decision
It is what triggers every action

Inspite of all the give-and-take I've had
I still feel empty and lonely and sad

Every time I set my heart on something
I come to know soon, that I have to let it go

Well, I don't want no money
And I don't want no food

All I care for is a good friend
Who feels all just the same