Hey!

No matter how busy I may be
No matter all that happens in a day

No matter how many people I meet
No matter all the activities I do

There's always that one moment
That I look forward to
Nay, that I need

When I set aside everything else
No matter how important
Or how critical

To curl up beside you and
Slide under your arm, free or not

To bury my nose
In the side of your neck

And as you bend down
To kiss my forehead

To whisper
In your ear
"Hey! I don't think I'll love you enough, ever!"

Thirty one days

...since I held you last

My fingers tremble
as they put pen to paper
walking the tightrope that sways
as the heart pulls in one direction
and the mind pulls back in the other

The incline of the letters on this page
betrays my internal state
even as I want to express
but not give it all away

The mind knows that all we have, really
is this moment, the now
The heart, meanwhile
is ensconced in those bygone

Each day by myself
I have a dozen conversations with you
Some I let spill over into text
others waft away into the ethers
of the bubble that is my existence

The mind steps in, once in a while
so I don't lose touch with reality
and so if when I meet you again
maybe I can embrace you
wordlessly

2020.04.01 17:12

A tender union

Last night was chaos
A much anticipated one
It was quite tame, though
When I pictured it before

And yet, it came to be
So effortlessly
Conversations carried over
Through words into touch

The hours we spent
Merging and separating
Flutter around my mind
And singe my skin

Running your fingers
Through my hair
You reached into
Some unformed thoughts

And as you turned around,
little spoon
To kiss me mid-sentence
It just made complete sense

You breath on my neck
Fingers intertwining
Our lips and tongues
Sharing tales of pure desire

It grew into a play
Of hearts reverberating
Through moments
Of contented silence

Our lovemaking
A celebration
Of our uniqueness
And kind spirits

You and I

You shower me with praises everyday
You try to make me happy in every way

You love it when I say I'm thinking of you
You smile to yourself when I toss a question at you

You wonder what to do when we go on a date
Your eyes well up when I drop you off at the gate

I look forward to spending time with you
I enjoy the process of getting to know you

You analyze my expressions at every chance
You love it when I give you that sideways glance

You follow my every move with your eyes
You want me to be naughty and not just nice

You often make me want to hold you tight in my arms
Your touch lingers on in my mind as do your charms

I love having you on my mind all day
I love the way you love me in every way

Love is a four-legged word

Him

Your sister was our first choice
The one we planned to make ours
But then we came across your mate
So we eyed that brother of yours

He happened to be taken away
By the family of your father
And you were the lone little boy
Among your sisters and your mother

We brought you home one day
As a companion to your mate
But not once did we imagine
That it was all a part of fate

It was as if you were born to us
So uncanny was the resemblance
That we share such a connection
Can't be just a coincidence

You're smart, sensitive, strong
Also adorable and quirky
To call you our own, dear Mojo
We've been really lucky!

You never discriminate between us
The mush-pot and the nerd
And everyday you remind us
That love is a four-legged word

Her

It was difficult to find you
Your house was somewhat hidden
But when I laid my eyes on you
Boy, was I smitten!

Your velvety ears I first noticed
Your spunk I couldn't resist
For a few moments there
The world ceased to exist

When I held you in my arms
My heart just went "awww!"
Had heard of love at first sight
Well, I've experienced it now

You seem to be a part of us
And we find comfort in you
You brighten our lives every day
You cheer us when we're blue

You're cute, energetic, intuitive
Also, sensible and cocky
To call you our own, dear Phoebe
We've been really lucky!

You always tell us how you feel
And you make sure you're heard
And everyday you remind us
That love is a four-legged word

Them

Together, Mojo and Phoebe
You make our lives joyful
The world seems more bearable
And for that we're very grateful

Monday, Sep 12, 2011 @ 3:25 am

If only

If only I could understand solitude
Instead of feeling lonely

If only I could read those romances
Without wanting them so badly

If only I didn't ask Why
When one of them ended

If only you hadn't responded
Attempting to explain

If only we didn't seek in each other
Those romances we read

If only I would listen
To the nagging in my head

If only I didn't fall so easily
For all the things you said

If only I had put it all together
Up there in my head

If only I didn't hand out my heart
As easily as in the past

If only I could realize sooner
The lies and the deceit

If only I could believe I was
Being taken for a ride

If only you were the truth
Not the fallacy I faced

If only those dreams remained
Intact as they were

If only the innocence were not
Betrayed over and over

If only you remained the friend
I thought you were

If only I can rekindle the hope
You doused when you left

If only I can learn to trust
All over again

If only I could uncork that
Which now lies sealed

If only I could ever feel
My wounds being healed

If only I could give again
As I gave to you

Pure, unquestioning, pristine, and true

A piceless possession

I envy your friends
They get to be with you

Amongst them I pity those
That remain ignorant of your value

Missing a friend

Been a while since I spoke to a friend
Whose words mean a lot to me
Been a while since I felt loved

Life is rushing about
And I'm barely keeping pace
So once in a while
When I get to pause
And ponder by myself
I notice the void
I'm surrounded by
And the one within

It's a crushing feeling
When I realize
I'm headed nowhere
And I see the futility of it all

I wonder how I can change things
I even make a plan
I get down to work at it one day
And it makes me feel real good

Then I meet an obstacle
And some more of its kind
I stumble and falter
Till one day
I shatter myself again

At such times
I need a friend
Who'll lend me a hand
To pull it all together
And start over again

[Wrote this a couple of months ago, I guess. Was surprised to find it in my dance-class-noteboook. Put it down here before I lose it again.]

Prayers - I

I send a little prayer tonight
To the Is out there
That allowed me a peaceful day

Although it wasn't one
Without any hurdles
It felt nice

The peaceful feeling
That sweeps over my soul
As I retire for the night

I'm grateful for
The absence of strife
That made my day

And though I'm tempted
To pray for more such days
I'd resist the temptation

For there's a lot more
That I have to experience
Other than just peace

A whole range of feelings
That make up the life
I'm obligated to live

Talking to myself

A silent moon hangs in the overcast sky

Clouds flitting past

Attempting, in vain, to hide it

The crest isn't reclining today

Flat on its back, it appears to be resting

As if asking me to relax

Me? I'm trying to stay in control

And not panic

Even though it's time I did

But if I give up now

Then who's to breathe

Who's to drag me safely to the shore

It isn't my first time in the rapids

I've been here often before

But I keep returning

Because I haven't learned

And now it also seems a little fun

To be in danger and rescue myself

Moments before being swept away

So I simply stay in the moonlight

And relish its faint golden glow

(Today it isn't silvery, you know)

Ignoring its heavenly messages

Until it's time for me to go

You, me, now

Little miss wookie

Met another one

It was a big mystery

But also full of fun

Many years in the past

Before they even met

The dice had been cast

But not part of a bet

'Twas a random sampling

To set a story in motion

It could be a bit startling

But this is no fiction

Years passed before any

Outcome could be seen

The possibilities were many

But only one could've been

One in this permutation

Among series of events

Only one combination

Producing these resultants

Their paths were interlinked

Although not clearly so

A meeting had been fixed

And that they knew, long before

So it wasn't a surprise

When they came face to face

Almost like a reprise

When they touched base

They still can't fathom

Why they're together

Their heartbeats in tandem

Their quest for each other

The "why" doesn't bother them

Amidst the beauty of "now"

The answers will come to them

Or they'll find out somehow

You know it's for you :)

Requiem for insomnia

Eyes drooping, head spinning
My body's ready to crash

But the boredom and solitude
Are upon my heart, like a gash

Cushion calls, bed beckons
But my mind refuses to rest

The wait for someone special
Is currently its primary quest

Lights dimmed, rooms silent
The world is in deep slumber

But my body can't yield to sleep
For the mind is determined to encumber

Wookies, Inc.

A friend, a partner, a symbiotic being

He was, at once, a thousand different things

It all began over the internet

Which was his playground and his bait

His words were music to our ears

He appeared wise beyond his years

We'd hang on to every word he'd say

As he made passionate promises each day

His ideas seemed like twins of ours

In his thoughts, we whiled away the hours

Our hearts were branded by his indelible marks

His intimate expressions would always generate sparks

Eventually, the sparks turned into a wildfire

Who knew he'd turn out to be a pathological liar

Even through the heartbreak and pain he inflicted

We refused to believe that he really could be wicked

As we wandered, heartbroken and alone

Across the distance, like beacons we shone

With our shared pain and words to console

We grew into a little sisterhood of the soul

And even though we fell prey to his deception

We found an excuse to wish him redemption

For, however badly we suffered at his hands

He linked us together, and above all it stands

Dedicated, obviously, to my dear sphinx:

The illusion of a wookie lost

And a true one found

Californication

Sitting here in a faraway land

I try not to feel the distance

A week has already gone by

And it didn't feel like much

In the days before my journey

I knew I'd be back home soon

There is so much around

To keep my mind occupied

But the panicky feeling

Has begun to set in

I remember my husband

And think to myself

How he would love to experience

The things and places I've seen

Yet he sits comfortably at home

Enjoying his solitude and peace

Leaving me alone to have all the fun

That seems incomplete without him

Finding her peace, apiece

I wonder how such small things
Could affect her so greatly

A simple, heart-felt talk
With a dear, lost friend

Drained out from her system
All the pent-up tension

Things they discussed were
Not appealing, to say the least

But they bridged the gap
That had left her so harried

All the while wondering where
The other part of her soul had been

All those months of pain
And loneliness

Melted away in minutes
Of soft-spoken concern

Poured out to the one
Who had pained her so

But she knew her concerns
Were well appreciated

And the acknowledgment
Helped her calm down

And so she floats in ignorant bliss
Having touched base with her only hope

Apr 9, 2008--another space

Afterglow

She's been floating
Since this morning

In a world of hers
Unknown to others

Sad at first
Curious next

And then it happened
For which she pined

The one she awaited most
Drifted by and paid a visit

The conversation was
Intimate as always

That sent her reeling
With its strong feeling

She went about the rest of her day
Partly pleased, partly in dismay

But she rejoiced
In the gift she had

As she reveled in the glow
Of her post-love stupor

April 8, 2008--another space

Stagnation

Stagnation indicates
that I've been there
too long

But when I try to move on
I notice that
the mind is stuck

I don't know
what holds me back
so taut

When will I be
absolved by
the forces that bind

How long
will I suffer
for sins unknown

Did I fail to notice
something crucial
around me

Or was it something
that I overlooked
in the days bygone

Please help me understand
I pray of thee
Oh merciful cosmos

For I cannot suffer
this arrest
any longer

Show me
your clemency
illume my world

Do what it takes
to let the shy bud
open its curl

December 19, 2007--another space

Running from pain

Trapped in the cocoon
I built around myself
I wonder what made me
Build it in the first place

It may have been an attempt
To heal the bruises and hurt
From an emotional battle
Being fought for years

To prove a silly point
Against myself
Against the one I loved
Against family

It resulted in losses
Loss of trust
Loss of innocence
Loss of the sense of purpose

And then I decided
To steel myself
From any further
Emotional damage

I set aside all painful memories
Locked and hidden away
I built a facade around me
To guard against further pain

The pain was fooled
For quite some time
But eventually it got me
The facade gave way

Now the pain
Is ubiquitous
Within the facade
And outside

However far I may run
I cannot hide
I can always feel
Its presence by my side

It's almost like family now
You may not agree with them
But you're bonded nevertheless
As nature often controls choice

PS: This was written in a simple poetic mood, not as mournful as it sounds. And yes, it's an attempt at healing too. I recently found out that the mind never forgets anything (I believed I conveniently cut out a lot of painful memories).

Quassi-phantom limb

The soul mate continues to exist
But the connection is lost

The friends and their lives go on
But the friendship doesn't

The object is still there
But the desire isn't

The memories linger on
But the future is aborted

The possibilities will remain
But reality has conquered

The pain in the heart persists
But the disease is cured

Often I will be reminded
Of what might-have-been

The delusional sensations
Of my phantom limb

Upswing

It's been a long while since I felt so light
It's good to look over at the other side

Floating in my own pessimism
I felt so dull and bogged down

But I've begun to suck it up
And think straight again

Reflecting on the recent times
On things I thought and wrote about

I was amused by the time I wasted
In being disappointed with myself

But even when I went through it
I knew it was only a passing phase

The trough in a person's
Normal, hormone-driven life

I'm not yet sure whether
The bottom has passed by

But it seems like I'm seeing
Through better eyes already

This is simply an effort
To depict the changing phase

Because it's boring to visit the past
And see depression written all over the place