Quassi-phantom limb

The soul mate continues to exist
But the connection is lost

The friends and their lives go on
But the friendship doesn't

The object is still there
But the desire isn't

The memories linger on
But the future is aborted

The possibilities will remain
But reality has conquered

The pain in the heart persists
But the disease is cured

Often I will be reminded
Of what might-have-been

The delusional sensations
Of my phantom limb

Upswing

It's been a long while since I felt so light
It's good to look over at the other side

Floating in my own pessimism
I felt so dull and bogged down

But I've begun to suck it up
And think straight again

Reflecting on the recent times
On things I thought and wrote about

I was amused by the time I wasted
In being disappointed with myself

But even when I went through it
I knew it was only a passing phase

The trough in a person's
Normal, hormone-driven life

I'm not yet sure whether
The bottom has passed by

But it seems like I'm seeing
Through better eyes already

This is simply an effort
To depict the changing phase

Because it's boring to visit the past
And see depression written all over the place

Slipping away

Been idle since so long
Letting things go all wrong

Been waiting in vain
Holding up all the pain

Been happy and sad
Also peaceful and mad

Been thinking a lot
While doing a naught

Been planning many things
But succumbing to mood swings

Been rotting in stupor each day
While my life is slipping away

Quirky little bee

Sometimes there's so much to do
And so little time

At others, there's eternity beyond
And nothing to do

Often when I'm required to think
All thoughts freeze

But when I want a little mental peace
They go into overdrive

I'm known to wait for certain things
Patiently, for years

But when it's time to achieve them
I'm unforbearing

Such random, unpleasant facts about me
I frequently remember

But I'm not sure I could, or even want to
Find a cure

For, however weird and quirky
I may be

This is part of my uniqueness
Of who I am

Just a call away

To the nutcase
Who doesn't understand

The deep shit that he is in
Will not clear itself up

All he needs is a holler
To his alien friend

Who will come along
And offer a hand

To pull him out of the muck
And hose him down

Of all the vile mucus
That's grown on his insides

So he can breath again
And remember what it was like

Before he got stuck
In the quicksand

To set him free
In his endless sky

Where he could tap into
His own self again

And breathe in the purity
Of the vast Is

So he could wander away
To test another pit of death

Mirror in the attic

Once upon my lifetime
I came across a mirror
Not the glassy kind
Though it reflected well

It was something I carried
Within me for years
But didn't know it existed
Until I chanced upon it
With my eyes closed

It was locked up in
The attic of my mind
And it stood there patiently
Waiting for me
Knowing that I would
Come by some day
And be thrilled
To discover its presence

It showed me
At a glance
The current state
Of my soul
An image
Of what I was
At the time

I found it amusing
So I began
Stopping by frequently

I liked its honesty
Its wisdom and serenity

Over time it grew
To be my friend
To whom I could reach out
Regardless of time and space

While it lasted
It was pure bliss
But then
As it happens
In most relationships
I began to
Take it for granted
Even ignoring it
Once in a while

As I focussed on
All things external
My visits began
To decline in number
And then came a day
When I forgot
How to reach the attic

It took me a while
To realize this

Then came a day
When I was reminded
Of its existence
When I needed the help
It so graciously offered

Only then did I realize
What my ignorance
Had cost me

I pined for my friend
The mirror in the attic
And however tightly
I closed my eyes
I couldn't find
The entrance
In my mind

It's been a long while now
And I'm still trying
Content with the knowledge
That it's there for me
Awaiting the day
When I will find my way
Back to it

Then we'll catch up
Taking off easily
From where we lost touch

It will tell me
From its perspective
All that it observed
About me
In my absence

Yeah, my friend--the mirror
It watches over me
All the time

I will tell it
How much I missed
Being in its company
How I tried to reach out
But suffered a memory lapse

The wise fellow will then
Chuckle and say
I know that too
My dear friend

And then we'll smile
With the happiness
Of being together again
With the satisfaction
Of knowing that
This bond is breakable
Only by death

Our first year together

I won't say it's been a perfect journey, for it wasn't really one
But inspite of everything, I dare say, I had a lot of fun

We made a lot of pit stops, we had a lot of fights
We also had our moments, of angst and of pride

Sometimes we were mature, at other times we were not
But, however we went about, we did achieve a lot

It's been a bumpy ride so far, but boring it was not
Incredibly stupid we might be, but we're a fun lot

We often hit each other and broke our little hearts
Then glued together the pieces that had fallen apart

We don't profess to stick together in joy and in strife
But we do seem to savour this roller coaster called life

The mind churns

The mind churns out
solitary sentiments
from a pool of thoughts

Saddened, silly, swamped
without a doubt
disgusting

There are remnants
of once
beautiful ones

That were
ruthlessly ignored
and left to decay

They glisten now
beneath the surface
their colors darkening

But their fragrance
still evokes
the longing

To pen them on paper
and set them free
of the drench

The stink
of procrastination
looms large

All over
the swamp
of ignored thoughts

But the sweet smells
of the good ones
intermingle

And create an aura
of mixed feelings
and drudgery

A sad state

The soul brimming with ideas and thoughts
I want to share with someone
The mind numb with the clutter of daily chores
That never seem to end

While I'm seeking for something
To whisk me away from this drudgery
There's someone who expects inspiration
From this bored, world-weary lass

Yet, I tried to milk the soul
To find a drop of guidance
All that resulted was a further loss
Of energies and the sense of purpose

So smothered the poor thing lies
Beneath the pile of undertakings
For all I know it might be screaming
Under the struggle-induced deafness

These words are a desperate effort
To reach that inner, divine voice
They're my only recourse and refuge
And my connection to sanity

Grace

I sit here in silence tonight
Rummaging through a pile of feelings
Which one do I pick
To express in words
And present to myself

As I lay down on my warm bed
Wanting nothing more but a cool sheet
A swarm of thoughts arose
As it always does
To penetrate my sleep

My sweetheart rushed to help
Driving them away and calming me down
Then, as he turned away
To welcome his own peace
A thought shone from within

More an impulse than a thought
It was as strong and brilliant as they come
I knew there was no withholding this
So I surrendered to its power
Lest it burn down my night

So, I sit here in silence tonight
A slave to that impulse and the Master who controls it all
What I want to do this moment
Is more a necessity than a wish
It's and obligation to the Is

As I grew conscious
About the power of the Will
I have been utilizing
The same for every wish
Knowingly or otherwise

As the months passed by
And I worked towards what I wished
I saw each one of them
Being morphed from a dream
Into good, solid reality

Then came the elation
A natural successor to success
Along with a sensation
That was more grounded
Like an anchor of the soul

It was time to return
The favors bestowed upon me
To give back to the Is
The love and attention
That I so fiercely sought

To talk to the Universe
To say that I was in cognizance
Of the demands
That had been fulfilled
And prayers answered

To say my grace
At least once in a while
If not as often
Or with as much vigor
As may be necessary

And so, I sit here in silence tonight
Choosing to express that one important feeling
Presenting to the Is in myself
In return for the fruits
My gratitude, my humility

Longings - I

I look out the window
And see a lone tree
It rests atop a knoll
Draped in herbage

For a moment this scene
Is crystal clear
Then slowly it blurs
Behind a sheet of rain

I'm mesmerized
By this view divine
Yet I can't afford
The bliss of being there

Chained as I am
To the workplace cubicle
Under nobody's orders
But my own obligation

It's funny how we humans
Take a detour
To endless hours at work
So we can play during the rest

We slog for a secure dwelling
But yearn for adventure
We spend hours in chaotic commutes
And crave for a moment of peace

But that's the way of the world as I see it
Simple units bound into complex structures
That disintegrate into the parts
To be revived yet again

Difficult to express

Groping for thoughts
Where there exist none
Squeezing undiscovered feelings
Into words

Envisioning scenes
While staring into space
Attempting to bind fiction
Into form

Criticizing the masses
When the mirror shows your worth
Trying to silence
The warnings of your soul

Searching for answers
To questions that befuddle you
Stringing those pearls
Of wisdom unknown

On the way back to myself

Sweet slumber, dreams tugging at your heart
You reach out and almost get hold of them
Then, a blank moment, and they're gone

Normally you'd linger on, hoping for an action replay
A replay where you can grab the elusive ending
Or change the dream somehow

All you achieve is another hallucination
Unrelated, unwanted, distressing perhaps
Or the same story with the same abrupt non-ending

Sometimes you succeed in breaking away
From the temptation that cuffs you to your bed
And brace yourself to follow your own plans

Your moves are swift and deliberate
As if you'd never laid down for the night
The battle seems a mundane chore

High on determination, you leave the house
To tread on tranquil paths
Of the world and your mind alike

This is your gift to yourself
The warmth of the sunshine
The coolness of the forest breeze

And every such gift deserves gratitude in return
For you've slain your demons
And worshiped your angels

Haven't you been missing the fun, foolish lass
For, whenever you do that, you cross my path
And it's been so long, girl, I'm glad you're back

Rhyming in Vain

A raindrop here and a tear drop there
One brings hope, the other takes it away
A tear drop here and a raindrop there
One flows of joy, the other washes it away

A mansion here and a tiny hut there
One keeps you warm, the other freezes away
A tiny hut here and a mansion there
One sleeps soundly, the other worries away

A dark cloud here, and a rainbow there
One makes it gloomy, the other cheers a day
A rainbow here and a dark cloud there
One's unreachable, the other gets you some day

A punch here and a smile there
One knocks you out, the other makes your day
A smile here and a punch there
As you can see, I've had a really bad day!!

Nightly Rhymes

Another night when sleep evades her
Another night when peace betrays her

A few minutes ago she would've drifted into slumber
A few minutes later, though, resting is a task of labour

She may be exhausted one night, excited the other
But sleep visits rarely, just like a perfect weather

The trouble is causes her cannot be explained
She's lucky to have her sanity retained

Brilliant ideas zoom about like fire-flies
But she can't capture them from where she lies

Repentance is then all that remains
For all those goals she never attains

Yet, she's hopeful of every single moment
For the one precious gift that it might present

The power to set her talents in motion
Helping her achieve everyday salvation

Till then, her desires will silently scream
As she drifts through every meaningless dream

Till then, the bed is a slab of burning coal
As, once again, she strangles the voices of her soul

Sigh!

Finally, I'm done with posting all the verses I wrote so far
...wrote 70 of them in a span of 10 years!
Most of these are responses to / descriptions of events in my life.
At times, I feel that I have used all the words I know, in all possible combinations.
But I continue to surprise myself with each new composition.
I hope the source, from where these things flow, continues to help me channelize my energies / emotions.

Jee karta hai (II)

Jee karta hai, kuchh gungunaoon, kuchh gaaoon main
Lavz jo kabhi ubhare na ho dil ki gehraiyon se
Naye suron mein, unhe piroh kar
Naya taraana banau main

Jee karta hai, udd udd jaaoon, ambar mein main
Khwaab jo kabhi dekhe na ho raat ki parchhaieyon mein
Neele gagan mein, khud ko hi kho kar
Naya afsaana banau main

Jee karta hai, phir utrun jab, dharti pe main
Boondein jo kabhi nikli na ho aasmaan ke aanchal se
In baadalon mein, unko sang le kar
Nayi barsaatein le aaoon main

Jee karta hai, behti jaaoon, is dariya main
Boondein jo behti aaie, parbaton ke daaman se
Inhi maujon mein, unko dubo kar
Naye kinaare le jaaoon main

Tera saath hua karta tha

Is haath mein mere, tera haath hua karta tha
Har rah mein meri, tera saath hua karta tha

Kya din the mere, kya raatein hua karti thi
Jo chahate meri, sab poori hua karti thi

Hum jab se the mile, sama mehka hua lagta tha
Tum paas the mere, jahan rangeen bada lagta tha

Woh khushiyaan meri, jaane kahan gum ho gayi
O meri dil-nasheen, jaane kahan tum kho gayi

Ab tum nahi mere, to ruswaai hi haath hai
Har rah mein meri, bas tanhaai ka saath hai

Kya khwaab the mere, kya haqeeqat ab baaki hai
Ab dhadkane meri, bas itni dua karti hai

Ab tum jahan raho, sapnon ki wahan mehfil ho
Jis aur tum chalo, khushiyaan hi tumhe haasil ho

Beete hue jo pal, unhe bhoolna bada mushkil hain
Hai aisa yeh safar, jahan dard hi meri manzil hai

Jee karta hai (I)

Jee karta hai, kuch gaaoon, kuch gungunaoon main
Lavz jo kabhi ubhare na ho dil ki gehraiyon se
Naye suron mein unhe piroh kar
Naya taraana aaj banau main

Jee karta hai, bhatak jaoon, rahein bhool jaoon main
Jis makaam tak kabhi khwaab bhi na pahonche ho
In dishaaon ki saheli bankar
Us mazil ka safar apnaoon main

Jee karta hai, kuch sochoon, kuch samajhoon main
Kisi anjaane shayar ki bhooli hui gazal ko
Apne andaaz se padhkar
Naya afsaana jee loon main

Jee karta hai, door kahin, bas behti jaaoon main
Insaani jasbaaton ka jahan basera na ho
Aisi duniya se talash kar
Naye khayal khoj laoon main

Jee karta hai, so jaoon, aisi gehri neend mein
Na saansein chalein, na dil dhadake
Kuch aisa ho us nisha ka asar
Ki wohi savera dobara na dekh paoon main

That thing you do

You whisper sweet wishes every morning into my ears
You offer your shoulder to wipe away my tears

You brighten up my day with a smile or a hug
You go out of your way to make me feel smug

You treat me like a queen and pamper me silly
You caress me with your touch, soft as a lily

You walk beside me or even carry me in your arms
You chase away my blues and cheer me with your charms

It's your presence around me that makes life worth living
I wonder if I could return even half of what you're giving