Difficult to express

Groping for thoughts
Where there exist none
Squeezing undiscovered feelings
Into words

Envisioning scenes
While staring into space
Attempting to bind fiction
Into form

Criticizing the masses
When the mirror shows your worth
Trying to silence
The warnings of your soul

Searching for answers
To questions that befuddle you
Stringing those pearls
Of wisdom unknown

On the way back to myself

Sweet slumber, dreams tugging at your heart
You reach out and almost get hold of them
Then, a blank moment, and they're gone

Normally you'd linger on, hoping for an action replay
A replay where you can grab the elusive ending
Or change the dream somehow

All you achieve is another hallucination
Unrelated, unwanted, distressing perhaps
Or the same story with the same abrupt non-ending

Sometimes you succeed in breaking away
From the temptation that cuffs you to your bed
And brace yourself to follow your own plans

Your moves are swift and deliberate
As if you'd never laid down for the night
The battle seems a mundane chore

High on determination, you leave the house
To tread on tranquil paths
Of the world and your mind alike

This is your gift to yourself
The warmth of the sunshine
The coolness of the forest breeze

And every such gift deserves gratitude in return
For you've slain your demons
And worshiped your angels

Haven't you been missing the fun, foolish lass
For, whenever you do that, you cross my path
And it's been so long, girl, I'm glad you're back

Rhyming in Vain

A raindrop here and a tear drop there
One brings hope, the other takes it away
A tear drop here and a raindrop there
One flows of joy, the other washes it away

A mansion here and a tiny hut there
One keeps you warm, the other freezes away
A tiny hut here and a mansion there
One sleeps soundly, the other worries away

A dark cloud here, and a rainbow there
One makes it gloomy, the other cheers a day
A rainbow here and a dark cloud there
One's unreachable, the other gets you some day

A punch here and a smile there
One knocks you out, the other makes your day
A smile here and a punch there
As you can see, I've had a really bad day!!

Nightly Rhymes

Another night when sleep evades her
Another night when peace betrays her

A few minutes ago she would've drifted into slumber
A few minutes later, though, resting is a task of labour

She may be exhausted one night, excited the other
But sleep visits rarely, just like a perfect weather

The trouble is causes her cannot be explained
She's lucky to have her sanity retained

Brilliant ideas zoom about like fire-flies
But she can't capture them from where she lies

Repentance is then all that remains
For all those goals she never attains

Yet, she's hopeful of every single moment
For the one precious gift that it might present

The power to set her talents in motion
Helping her achieve everyday salvation

Till then, her desires will silently scream
As she drifts through every meaningless dream

Till then, the bed is a slab of burning coal
As, once again, she strangles the voices of her soul

Sigh!

Finally, I'm done with posting all the verses I wrote so far
...wrote 70 of them in a span of 10 years!
Most of these are responses to / descriptions of events in my life.
At times, I feel that I have used all the words I know, in all possible combinations.
But I continue to surprise myself with each new composition.
I hope the source, from where these things flow, continues to help me channelize my energies / emotions.

Jee karta hai (II)

Jee karta hai, kuchh gungunaoon, kuchh gaaoon main
Lavz jo kabhi ubhare na ho dil ki gehraiyon se
Naye suron mein, unhe piroh kar
Naya taraana banau main

Jee karta hai, udd udd jaaoon, ambar mein main
Khwaab jo kabhi dekhe na ho raat ki parchhaieyon mein
Neele gagan mein, khud ko hi kho kar
Naya afsaana banau main

Jee karta hai, phir utrun jab, dharti pe main
Boondein jo kabhi nikli na ho aasmaan ke aanchal se
In baadalon mein, unko sang le kar
Nayi barsaatein le aaoon main

Jee karta hai, behti jaaoon, is dariya main
Boondein jo behti aaie, parbaton ke daaman se
Inhi maujon mein, unko dubo kar
Naye kinaare le jaaoon main

Tera saath hua karta tha

Is haath mein mere, tera haath hua karta tha
Har rah mein meri, tera saath hua karta tha

Kya din the mere, kya raatein hua karti thi
Jo chahate meri, sab poori hua karti thi

Hum jab se the mile, sama mehka hua lagta tha
Tum paas the mere, jahan rangeen bada lagta tha

Woh khushiyaan meri, jaane kahan gum ho gayi
O meri dil-nasheen, jaane kahan tum kho gayi

Ab tum nahi mere, to ruswaai hi haath hai
Har rah mein meri, bas tanhaai ka saath hai

Kya khwaab the mere, kya haqeeqat ab baaki hai
Ab dhadkane meri, bas itni dua karti hai

Ab tum jahan raho, sapnon ki wahan mehfil ho
Jis aur tum chalo, khushiyaan hi tumhe haasil ho

Beete hue jo pal, unhe bhoolna bada mushkil hain
Hai aisa yeh safar, jahan dard hi meri manzil hai

Jee karta hai (I)

Jee karta hai, kuch gaaoon, kuch gungunaoon main
Lavz jo kabhi ubhare na ho dil ki gehraiyon se
Naye suron mein unhe piroh kar
Naya taraana aaj banau main

Jee karta hai, bhatak jaoon, rahein bhool jaoon main
Jis makaam tak kabhi khwaab bhi na pahonche ho
In dishaaon ki saheli bankar
Us mazil ka safar apnaoon main

Jee karta hai, kuch sochoon, kuch samajhoon main
Kisi anjaane shayar ki bhooli hui gazal ko
Apne andaaz se padhkar
Naya afsaana jee loon main

Jee karta hai, door kahin, bas behti jaaoon main
Insaani jasbaaton ka jahan basera na ho
Aisi duniya se talash kar
Naye khayal khoj laoon main

Jee karta hai, so jaoon, aisi gehri neend mein
Na saansein chalein, na dil dhadake
Kuch aisa ho us nisha ka asar
Ki wohi savera dobara na dekh paoon main

That thing you do

You whisper sweet wishes every morning into my ears
You offer your shoulder to wipe away my tears

You brighten up my day with a smile or a hug
You go out of your way to make me feel smug

You treat me like a queen and pamper me silly
You caress me with your touch, soft as a lily

You walk beside me or even carry me in your arms
You chase away my blues and cheer me with your charms

It's your presence around me that makes life worth living
I wonder if I could return even half of what you're giving

Fear (II)

It was fear that made me think
Made me look into a direction other than yours
To try and find something that would be mine for eternity

Sure, those were hard times
I was almost driven to the point of insanity
My brain almost gave up but my heart, stubborn as ever, didn't

I somehow always knew
That the fear tried to conceal something
Something beautiful, something I always yearned for

This fear, I perceived
Was guarding whatever valuable there was
Not only from me, but from anyone who'd want to have it

I think of fighting my fears as a test
To know for myself, how badly I want something
How much I'd wait and what I would sacrifice to get it

My fears keep surfacing
Frequently enough to keep me on my toes
And they drive me constantly in some weird direction

Like now, for example
Where I have come, so far away from you
Who meant everything to me for those many years of my life

And look at me here, today
Conscious of nothing else but myself
Surprisingly, happier than I could ever imagine

Fear does these things to you
It tries you till you quit or conquer
You can choose to face it or turn your back on it

There's no neglecting it, however
Fear follows you when you try to run away
Face it to slay it, there's nothing you can't defeat

That's what I learned all along
Conquering the fears that haunted me
So that now I expect something better beyond every fear I encounter

Humaaraa safar

Nikal pade hain saath-saath
Ek-dusare ka thaame hue haath

Na kisi ek dishaa mein chalnaa hai
Na kisi manzil ki or badhna hai

Bas tay karne hain kuchh raastein
Jo hum khud banaayenge apne vaaste

Is safar ka koi maqsad nahi hai
Sirf saath chalne ka mazaa kaafi hai

Jab raahein banaana apne bas mein ho
To hume hi sochna hain ki wo kaisi ho

Jab khushi paane ka man kare, to unhe khoobsoorat banaayenge
Jab khushi man bhar jaye, to unmein kaante bikher denge

Man kare to peechhe mud jayenge
Ya chaahein to naya mod bana denge

Apni zindagi hum khud jiyenge
Apni maut hum khud marenge

Maut ke baad bhi agar koi safar hota hai
To usmein bhi saath chalna hum pasand karenge

The force within

I'm a very blessed child
Once again I realize
When I close my eyes
I can see myself as a complete human being
All my organs in place, and functioning well
A brain that works
A heart that feels
And a mind for sound judgement
I'm not a cripple
Who has to struggle through the daily grind
I'm lucky enough to be self-dependent
What more can one ask for?
Yes, I falter many a times
But at least I am able to assess that
I have the courage to accept my faults
I ability to overcome them
And the humility to learn from them
At times, I feel like a genius
When certain good ideas pop up
And then I end up congratulating myself
So I don't need others' appreciation
For my personal gratification
Every now and then I can feel the presence of the Force
The Balancing Factor, the Source of Beauty in this cosmos
And every time it comforts me
To know that it is also within me

A difficult choice

I've made a difficult choice recently
And I don't know where it's gonna take me
Or, maybe, I do
And, altough, I prefer not to think of it
It looms large like an omnipresent fear
It's a guilt I'm gonna carry for a long time to come
Not towards anyone else but myself
I wanted something, and was drawn towards it
Not only that, I got it moving in my direction
But then I was distracted by something else on the way
Something so desirable, and so accessible
I set aside my previous goal for another lifetime
Yet, this doesn't mean that the goal was less important or less desirable
But, somehow, I'm not yet capable of handling it
I'd prefer to wait, to learn, to stumble across numerous paths
Which could someday lead me to it
I may be blood-spattered or half-dead by then
But, I'll be sure I'm worthy of it
And wise enough to understand its true meaning

Creative utilization of negative energy :)

Sometimes things really piss me off
And then I can't do anything but scoff

Usually it's something very silly
That makes me fume like a red hot chilly

Then I need to run away into a shelter
Just to save others around me from my temper

Not that it matters to most people
But at times it makes me feel a bit feeble

How could I let such trivia trouble me
When I always want myself to be hassle-free

Aap ka asar

Nazaron ke saamne, har waqt, aap hi chhaye rehte ho
Aankhen band kar leti hoon phir bhi aap hi dikhaai dete ho

Khayalon mein mere aaj-kal aap hi base rehte ho
Kuch aur sochna chaahu to bhi aap hi yaad aa jaate ho

Kaanon mein har lamha aapki hasi goonjti rehti hain
Baat koi bhi kar le, awaz aapki sunaai deti hai

Saason ko humaari, jab aapki saansein mehkaati hain
Dhadkanon mein aapki, humaari dhadkanein kho jaati hain

Lahu banke, nason mein humaari, ab se aap hi bahaa karo
Gujaarish hai aapse, wajood ko humaare, yunhi mitaa diya karo

When you walked into my life

The past few months have left me feeling like a river run dry
Words would not pour forth, as before
From that eternal source of life and joy

I kept pondering over the reason
But could not come to a conclusion

Then, I gave up searching
And just let myself be

Just as we, on earth, have seasons
The mind also has "dry spells," I reasoned

Change is the only constant--it's so true
I couldn't agree more

For, soon enough, something around me would change
Someone was to enter my life, and get very close

And that someone is so disarming
I had to lay bare everything for him

So he could reach deep enough
To touch the core of my existence

His touch created gentle ripples in me
That helped my feelings to resurface

The river that had seemed to dry up
Was actually a brook caught under the frost

The warmth this person exudes
Is melting the frozen surface

The brook itself is aspiring to be freed
So it could bathe this person in its glory

He knows this very well, but opts not to speak of it
And behind his simple appearance, I can see an aura of perfection

Making love

You ask me what I'm feeling...

Now, how do I tell you what's on my mind?
How do I tell you, with so many strangers around?

Strangers, I call them, for they do not know us
They can see what we do
But they don't understand how deep it is

For them, it's just a touch, a physical contact

How would they know that it's the best way to -
Tell you how much I appreciate your presence
How much you love me for being myself, and
How happy we are to have found each other

It's only in solitude that we can surrender completely
And accept each other
With all our similarities and differences
The essence of our character

...That's what making love is all about

And that's how I want to tell you
That I've found my happiness in you

I want to have you

I want to have you...

Like a mother has a child -
A life breathed into her
Which then takes a beautiful form of its own

Like dew drops on a tree -
Condensed from the atmosphere
And soothing the parched skin of its tender leaves

Like a baby bird's first flight -
Freed from the limitation of the nest
Flapping its tiny wings to conquer the expanse of the sky

Like the certainty of death -
Liberating me from this matrix
And helping me step into another dimension of learning and light

Like the achievement of perfection -
When I break the barriers of doubt and despair
Only to notice the paradigm shift
...One more challenge thrown my way
To churn the answers out of my all-knowing self

I want to have you like never before...

A reconnection with my soul
Long lost and very, very recently found

To the one I love

Across the distance that separates us
I can see you my dear one
Living the continuum of time

Defeating the ghosts of your past
That haunt every moment of your solitude
Threatening to break you

Laying the foundation of your future
By working towards it
Every minute of your day and night

Yet you live the present
Like no one else could
Seeking and testing your integrity at once

If you think circumstances are not in you favor
Just look from my perspective
You'll see yourself surrounded by opportunities

You are proving your mettle every moment
Doing your duty towards yourself
Striving hard to attain your goals

You say you're nowhere near perfection
But I can see you getting closer to it each day
With your grit and determination

It's your desire that drives you on
Your hope that keeps you going
And your passion that fuels your actions

Faith

When you're too happy for words
And the ones closest to you don't care
What do you do
When they just don't want to look from your point of view
For you it's jubilation time
While they linger around in doubts
Doubts about your capability, your success
They'd ask for proof
And show no excitement about your achievement
They neither appreciate whole-heartedly
Nor share their concern

They allow you to go on with your activities
As if nothing happened
So you keep walking with a heavy heart
And just when you are about to reap the benefits of your hard work
They appear out of nowhere
Only to tie your feet with ropes
Whose control lies in their minds

It is then that you go through a trauma
For you know you love them
And yet you can't sacrifice the possibilities
You know they don't mean harm
They try to play it safe
But end up asking you to put your future at stake

When you're brimming with self-confidence
And they command you to settle for mediocrity
How do you react to such atrocity

It is at this moment that your faith is tested
You have an option to be calm
And look up to the One who plans it all
Smile at Him, and He is bound to melt
The ropes will be loosened, the pressures reduced
You'll be let go, and may walk on to a certain distance

As your dear ones see you take control
As they see you win your battles
They will themselves cut the ropes
And they will draw closer
Not to oppose, not to hold you back
But to support you in every venture
For by now, they will have realized
Your true potential and your strength of character